Tuesday, November 12, 2002

right now i dunno im feelin a lil sad....a little hurt....see i keep saying i wont, but i keep taking people on the net serious.....and yea i might get a lil crush just from talking to a guy on here, but i know i may never meet him.....but something this dude said today kinda hurt me, he might read this oh well, but maybe im just being immature or a lil jealous i dont know, but he said something about #1 and #3 wife or something and i asked him what he meant, who was #1 and #3, then he said something about i gotta earn #1, im like hold up, well i didnt say that, but i was thinking that, i was like no tell me, and he said that, and i was like well i dont like to share, and he said something about then you dont need to know or dont ask or some ish i dunno, but i didnt say nothing after that, but then i im'ed him, and he didnt reall talk, and he ended up loggin off, so i kinda see where this is heading......maybe he'll get board with talking to me and go off to talking to the next girl or what he's already doing talking about how he likes them and how he's gonna make them his wife, smh, or maybe again im blowing this all outta proportion and shouldnt get hurt, upset, or mad about this, cuz hey this is the net, but its hard, i like him, im not so upset like crying or nothing, but i was hurt by that.....i mean yea i told him i liked him, and i asked him he said he liked me, or maybe he really dont like me i dunno, maybe he was just saying that not to hurt my feelings, or maybe he just like my picture and dont really like talking to me, i dont know, but i talk to him all the time, and yea he has his lil attitude problem and stuff, but i tell him off, or tell him to quit that shyt, then he may come around and appologize....but he's always like im too innocent, but i know i am, cuz thats just me........

but anyways i been talking to him online for about a year, well over a year and i liked him for the past year, i finally told him earlier this year, well in like may or june....but he mak it seem like, or maybe im just thinking that since he likes me then he wouldnt be talking to no one else like that, but obviously he is since he said something about wife #1 and #3....but anyways maybe im being dumb about getting hurt at that, cuz that is dumb, i done heard this a thousand times and read it, especially on this one rules of BP page....NEVER TRUST NO ONE ON BP OR DONT GET ATTACHED.....cuz if they are talking to you, what makes you think they not talking to 209234908932 other people....but yes i do talk to other guys online but i dont talk to them like that, like i like them, one boy liked me, but i didnt really like him like that and i just started talking to him, so i kinda let him down easy, cuz i like this dude im talking about now......but hey, he was talking to this other girl and they not talking no more, so what did i expect, he was kinda talking to me, well no he wasnt, i just told him i liked him, but just left it like "i wouldnt try and talk to you if she is", but they got into it, and since my other internet hubby left, lol, he's been like im his internet wife now, but hey he got 3.....

my other net hubby he had to cancel his aol, i dont know how that boy look or whatever, but i talked to him every day, and i miss him, he's like my best friend online, so since he left, the other dude that i like, he's the only one that i really talk to every day, well besides this other boy, but i dont like him like that besides he's gay and he dont like me, but they the only ones......and he act like he cant call, and when i told himt o call he didn't for the last 3 times that i asked him to, and i dont have his number....something doesnt seem right with that anyways, me not having his number, well i have a number but he used that for the net and fax machine, smh...but he only has my cell i dont give out my home number no way...but i did tell him he needs to go out and date yea, cuz i doubt if we ever meet each other cuz he lives too far away and i dont go to places where i dont have family at, the only way we'll meet is if his job happenes to send him to Chicago, which may never happen.....but man i dunno im not #1 so then he talking to other girls, i told him to go date, lol not be talking to other chicks mking them his internet wives, lol, or maybe im blowing this all outta proportion cuz this does sounds stupid, but anyways....yea if you read this and you know who you are, dont worry these people that read this dont know you anyways, but anyways i feel better now, but yes i was hurt by that, but now that i got this out i feel stupid about getting all attached.......

which is why i need to go get a real boyfriend, cuz these BP hubby's and AOL hubbys suck, Fukka internet men!!!! where the real men at that i can go out on a date with? they dont seem to be around....but i still didnt do my couseling yet, i had to call the place sense they didnt call me back, they said they had me on a waiting list....they couldve called me to tell me that, but anyways hopefully i'll be going to counseling soon and they can get the problem, whatever is wrong with me, and hopefully they can help me to become more social so i can go out and mingle and meet people.....because its so lonely not to have any friends, well my one friend back home is in Chicago, but she lives at home and her parents are muslim and they dont let her do nothing, they still aint let her come down here to visit me, and im hurt by that too, this is my 3rd year, its not like im a wild child, she's the one thats wild, but i wouldnt let her go out and do nothing stupid, we both 20 and they need to let her grow up.......but hopefully i'll stop being nervous and make new friends....so anyways i need to go and write like 20 more entries for my journal thats due tomorrow for my BAS class, smh i shouldnt been writing these entries for the last month and a half, now i gotta rush, but anyways, peace people, and God bless.....

posted by Toya @ 2:01 AM