THINGS I'M GETTING OFF MY CHEST & OTHER THINGS...

well well well ok im back, my break from the net didnt last long, and it wasnt even a full break.....i was going to the pc lab for about a hour or 2 like 3 times, or less then a hour in between classes though, but i gave in a started my AOL back up friday night, on oct. 10th, *sighs*, im a internet junkie, but at least i got my work done that i needed to get done, except for this paper that i shouldve been typing today but i didnt cuz im on the computer, ugh, see i shouldnt have started my aol back up, but oh well, anyways.....i didnt feel like writing nothing today cuz i really dont have much to say.....

.....me and my cousin did get into it last week on friday on like the 5th, and we didnt talk again until like wednesday, well tuesday night she said something to me, but we didnt really talk until wednesday afternoon, smh not talking over dumb stuff cuz i got mad because she was naggin me and i feel that im grown, well i am, im gonna be 21 in less then 2 months, and she got mad cuz i said "whatever" and she was like i was getting smart, but hopefully she got the point and wont nag me, because i dont wanna have to go thru that again, i like peace and i would like to keep it that way the way it is now, because i dont like to get into it and argue, but hopwfully we'll be cool for the rest of the year.....

.....well i been trying to download songs today, and i've been trying to find thie song by this group called Voices, and they had a song called "yea yea yea", which came out in like 92' or 93' when i was in like 5th grade, i remember they use to play it all the time, it was a girl group and it had Tia and Tamara from "Sister, Sister" in it, but alot of people dont remember that song, but it was a lil corny song, lol, but i liked it then.....right now im downloading "the butt", lol.....

.....im kinda cool now, not all that dsepressed, and i think i know whats wrong with me for real, i know i always be like i might have Social Anxeity, but after reading an article in my school's newspaper on anxiety disorders and how 19.1 million americans are affected by them and how 7% of the population suffers from social anxiety every year, and all the sites i been looking at on it, i think i really do have it.....how people feel when they have it, the symptons they was describing, thats all me, thats how i feel when im around people, i get nervous and stuff and feel as if people are staring at me or talking about me, but i always kept that to my self, and when i do try to tell people about it like how i feel nervous around people they always say "oh you're just shy, you'll grow out of it" or "you just need to stop being shy and go make friends", but really its not all that easy, and since they dont have it, then they wont understand, im not outgoing at all whatsoever, so i would never just go up to someone and just start talking or try and go out and make friends, i rather for people to come to me.....

.....but here is 2 sites on Social Anxiety so people can know what im talking about, i dont know how to do the link thing on here so i dont know if it will just show up in text form or as a link, but here they are: http://www.social-anxiety.org/ and http://www.socialphobia.org/ , so those are the sites.....and alot of time i wont tell people how i feel, cuz i dont want people to think im crazy, im not crazy though, usually mental things are just chemical imbalances, and ALOT of people have something like that wrong with them, but alot of people, especially black folks dont want to go to doctors for stufff like that because they dont wanna be called "crazy" or either they feel like its a "white person disease", but what they dont know is that black folks get mental illnesses just like white folks, and mental illnessed is not just limited to white people.....

.....heck i know because i have a aunt thats bi-polar and a cousin thats a schizophrenic, but they just found that out recently in the last 4 years, but they didnt know before, and if they knew before maybe they wouldve been beter, but like i said black folks dont like going to the doctor for things like that, and i know alot of people on my mama's side got something wrong with them, though they have been to the doctor for it with the exception of my aunt.....but ima just set up an appointment to see a counselor to talk cuz my doctor back in march asked me if i wanted to take meds, but i really dont want to do that if i dont have too, i told her i rather talk to someone first, i just never set that up.....

.....so hopefully talking will help because i dont not want to be depending on some medication, but if i have to just so i can live a normal life and be social i will, if that can calm me down so i can be a bit more social and calmed down, and not depressed, then thats just what im gonna have to do, but anyways, thats pretty much it thats been going on, so ima go to bed cuz i have church, well if i go, i might be too sleepy to get up since its 3:53 am, damn i didnt even know it was that late, see what the internet does to you, and yea i wrote in my web dairy now, so are you happy now Mister? and you know who you are, well bye bye people.....

posted by Toya @ 3:58 AM