THINGS I'M GETTING OFF MY CHEST & OTHER THINGS...

well hey i might not post nothing for a while or maybe i will, i doubt if anyone really read this anyways they probably dont, i was gonna put the link to this on my BP page, but i'll do that a little later.....anyways i've decided to take a break from the internet, cuz its not really all that fun no more, i just get on to pass time, the chatrooms be boring, people are getting on my nerves, my boy from aol that i chat with everyday he left cuz he canceled his aol, the other dude i dunno i guess we mad at each other cuz of something from the other day, him and his attitude, so ok the other people on aol be cool, but its the same thing and that chatroom be boring......now on BP its not all that fun, i only go into the chatroom to chat with certain people, but either they not in there when im on, or its just not the same, and most of the people be coming in the chat flooding the rooms and typing stupid stuff and just trying to meet people in the chat, and the dudes get mad when i dont talk to them when they say "holla"......i dont wanna holla at them, i just get on BP for fun, but its not fun anymore.....but it will be hard to give up the next cuz YES i am a internet jukie and a BP crackhead, but ima try to leave it alone.....so ima cancel my aol on the 5th i think thats saturday, and that'll be it, i wont start up my new aol account for another week or so, cuz i stil have my 6 free months that i didnt use when i got my computer back in december 2001.......so i guess this is by for now, only if i get on the pc in the pc lab between class, so i guess i wont really be leaving the net alone, but thats only 2 times out the week that i have that 3 hours break, but other then that at least i wont be on all day after i get in from class and i can concentrate on doing my work more and reading my book for class..........................

(i feel a lil bit better then yesterday, im not all that depressed anymore, but then again i still am, i think its a sign of depression when you just dont wanna do nothing and sit in the house all day, eat junk food all day, or just feel like crying, or just not caring, and thats how i feel sometimes, and thats how i felt my first year of school, cuz i didnt wanna do nothing, thats why i messed up my 2nd semester, and last year i was a bit better, but not much, cuz i still didnt want to do nothing, just like now i dont feel like doing nothing i just wanna lay up and be miserable and bored all day and depressed cuz i have no friends or no one to talk to, i dont want to sit up in the house, but i do anyways cuz i dont wanna be bothered.....then when people ask whats wrong with me most of the time i say nothing, cuz i dont want them to be like "what you depressed about you have nothing to be depressed about" or they think that the reasons i am is dumb, but they dont understand, so i just kee everything to my self, which isnt good, but i write it out sometimes, and if i cant talk to my friend, i talk to a few people online, but i dont wanna be complainging to them all the time, cuz i know they might be tired of hearing that, so i just keep it in, hopefully i will get better and maybe i should go see a counselor on campus, and maybe i will, cuz maybe that will help)

.............and hopefully this will help me cuz i know that being on the net talking to people and not trying to talk to people i see in person isnt good, so i guess i can live without the net cuz i didnt have it before college and hopefully this will make me try and go out and be a bit more social with people, but anyways, bye bye until next time.....

posted by Toya @ 1:40 AM