Crushes (Part 1)
I HATE THEM! How do you get over one? I know that you can just "forget" about the person, but sometimes that's hard to do. I've had many crushes in my life. Is that a bad thing? I dont know. I'm not really guy crazy, I mean come on now, I'm too shy to approach a guy and I rather for them to come to me, but I dont mind admirering them from afar. The earliest crush I can remember is when I was back in like kindergarten. The guy name was Michael, I forgot his last name, and we were in the same class together. I dont know why I liked him, maybe because we had the same generic box of crayons, I dont know, but I did think he was cute. Well I'm note sure if that crush came first or the one I had on a guy from my church back home.Shawn, that's his name, was in the choir when we were youner and he played the piano and drums. He was the first of many crushes I've had, especially on musicians. He was a year older than me, and his b-day is 3 days before mine, which is tomorrow. I liked him for a really long time, and he never noticed me, heck he probably dont even know my name. He's in jail now however, getting mixed in with some of his friends over a gang rape. I know that's crazy. They said he didnt do anything, but he was there (which is bad enough if he didnt stop it), but he's in jail and been in jail since like 1999 I believe. I dont know if he did it or not, but that was my first crush. I've liked him ever since I was like 5 years old.
The next major crush I had was on a guy I knew since 5th grade. I've liked him since then. He was tall, and I liked that because I was tall. Since girls usually start puberty before guys, I was usually always the tallest in my class until about 8th or 9th grade. Patrick is his name. Now Patrik was tall, like i said, and he was very cute. He was sort of bad, but as we got older he wasnt the bad kid in class. He was like 6ft tall in 5th grade, but now he's only like 6'5". We went to grade school together since 5th grade when i transferred to that school and we went to high school together. I was SO inlove with the boy, and he never noticed me. How sad. I use to think about him all the time, just wishing that he would one day start speaking to me on a daily basis, but he never did. He would talk to me sometimes, say a sentence or two, but we never had a conversation. He was on the Basketball team and football team when we got to high school and was popular. He was even voted most concieted, but he really wasnt. His b-day was 3 days before mine also, but he was just 3 days older than me. He'll be 23 tomorrow and I'll be 23 on saturday. Dang I always end up liking these Sagittarian males, and i hate it because there's such assholes! But back to Patrick. I wanted to go to prom with him, but I was too scared to ask. No one asked me to prom, cuz I was the quiet girl, and I probably looked mean too because I didnt smile much, so I ended up going to prom by my self. So he went with a girl we graduated from 8th grade with who didnt even go to our high school. I told my self every year that I would tell him that I liked him, but I always chickened out. I denied that I liked him whenever my bestfriend would say that I did, thought she knew, and when I finally admitted it after we graduated she was like "I knew you liked him". I guess because I always started to blush if someone mentioned him or if she asked me if I did.
Anyways, we graduted from high school, and I was surprised when he signed my year book and put his phone number in it. I was SO happy! So I called him a few times after we graduated. I even called him my first year of college and told him that I liked him. We was talking on the phone for almost a hour, about nothing, and when he said he had to go, I just blurted it out. I told him because he was supposed to be leaving I believe and going to MN for school, which is where he's at now, but he didnt leave until the next year. I said it so fast, he probably didnt even hear me when i said it. He never said nothing else about that. I went to visit him one time before he left Chicago. I went to get a prom picture from him, I think it was over christmas break of my first year of college. I ended up staying at his house for like 5 hours though. We just sat up and watched Tv and played old Nintendo games. He didnt try nothing, and didnt show any signs of liking me, so I knew then that he never would. Besides he always was with light skinned girls, so I guess I'm too dark for him :-( . So the last time I talked to him was when he sent me a note on BP saying "Happy Valentines day" and that was back in like Feburary of 2003 or maybe 2002 I believe. Now when i send him a note, he wont even respond. That asshole! Oh well screw him! I'm hurt to hear that he maybe gay. Well that's what my friend said. He's probably one of those DownLow brothas, who knows. But my friend saw this other girlt hat went to high school with us and she told my friend that she seen him at a party and that he was "acting gay" and doing the robot for these white girls. That sounds kinda gay right there, lol. LOL@acting gay. Maybe I'm just a little bitter though.
Besides Mr. Patrick, I had another crush on this Jamaican guy named Damion. Damion was such a flirt and was SO funny. I met him in 11th grade when we had homeroom together. He was sexy too. But he never noticed me either, and he never flirted with me *sighs* He's still together with this Mexican girl he was going out with in high school that was a grade under us. I wanted to go to prom with him if I couldnt go to prom with Patrick, but he had a girlfriend. His girlfriend's parents didnt let her go, so he didnt go, and I was too shy to ask. *sighs*
1 Comments:
-Crushes-
I'm not going to even bother with the first crush I had...I've had so many that I won't even bother to name them all, but I'll talk about the last one I had:
Being this is close to my one year anniversary of being a "good church guy" this is a little funny...I mean, I haven't really even been out on a date in about 14 months. I haven't talked to any females that I didn't already know, I didn't call any on the phone, and I didn't ask for anyone's number; even though there were plenty of times that I wanted to. I mean, I have a decent amount of confidence when it comes to talking to women, but I'm no Billy D...but, I am a little charming...well back to the story...
I started noticing this lady about last year around this time. Her name is Keisha. She had deep brown eyes, really good skin, long braids/twists in her hair, (I later found out this was a weave, and I was SO disappointed. It had that natural look that I'm into, but that helped falsify an image of intelligence and diligence that I am into...), and she had a beautiful smile. Don't get me wrong, she was beautiful everywhere else too, but that's not where my focus was... Anyway, I just thought she was sooo pretty. I mean, it was so bad, she made me feel like I was 6, and I just saw the first girl that I liked...it was ridiculous. There were times where I tried to talk to her, and nothing would come out of my mouth. I literally walked up in her presence, and then said nothing. It was bad. I remember that for about four months, all I was able to get out was this weird sort of "hhHeyyy..." like when you see someone and you don't remember their name. I never got around to talking to her, and I still don't talk to her. She's still there, and she is still beautiful. She has her life on track; she has a job, she has her own car, she is a praise dancer at church, she has her own place...and she is down to earth. Granted, I don't know that from first hand experience, but I found that out from a trusted friend that talks to her infrequently. Plus now, she is kinda dating a friend of a friend right now, so even if I wanted to approach her like that, she isn't really available. I really just couldn't come up with anything to talk to her about. Writing about it now kinda makes me feel embarrassed...and like I'm a little kid. I'll get over it though.
...but I did find this out from that same trusted friend. He's my best friend, and he has a fair assessment of what I expect from a woman that I am interested in. He knows that if they can't stimulate my mind, or if I feel like I'm smarter than them, I'll lose all interest in them. Plus with her being so much older than me, (26), I would really expect a lot out of them. In other words, he told me that it wouldn't have worked out the way I wanted it to...I just had the halo effect working at full-speed, and that isn't really fair to me or the person that I have the crush on.
Post a Comment
<< Home