Sometimes i wonder...
....if it's just me or do other people feel like they're just about to loose their mind? i know i said that i wouldnt type any sad and depressing post anymore, but sheesh! i try so hard to fight this depression...it's a mind thing...i dont think medication would help me that much and i don't want to depend on it...or am i even really depressed? i mean i know i feel down sometimes, but does that mean i'm depressed? or am i a functional depressed person? i mean i still go to work and class so it doesnt stop me from doing that.....or do most people have "down days" and is that just something that's normal? i mean what is it? is it the world today or something? something in the food or water? so many people i know now struggle with depression, and it's sad! sickning! before i ever told anyone that i get depressed, i thought that i was the only one...but man alot of folks in the church, when my pastor preached on that, i got up, but i wasnt the only one! i was surprised to see that so many of us (especially the young folks, well it was mostly the college age folks) get depressed! with me however, i've been dealing with it as long as i can remember, even back to like 5th or 6th grade....it might have gotten triggered from having social anxiety i think, and since i had a hard time talking to people and making friends, that lead me to being depressed....and also having a low self esteem...something i've been trying to work on for the longest....like sometimes i feel like i am going to loose my cool, i feel like i'm bi-polar or something (aka manic depressant), i feel good one day, and the next day i feel like crap! i wonder if i'm the only one that feels this way, if i'm not, PLEASE let me know!....but i know at least i'm able to talk about it, which is something i couldn't do before, and it helps me to talk about it, and now i can talk about it sometimes without even crying which is good....i guess like this lady from church told someone last week "when you're able to give your testimony and not worry about what other people say, then you're over it" ...but i thought i was over it, but i'm not sure....i guess i can deal better with it, so it doesnt bother me like it did 4 years ago.....i dont know...maybe me writing about this can help someone else who suffers from anxiety and social anxiety/phobia, or low self esteem, or depression.....well i guess about right now after typing all of this, i feel a bit better, like a burden has been lifted up off of me......but like i said it's a mind thing...and in the class i go to on Saturdays at church for the women, we've been reading this book by Joyce Myers called "Battlefield of the Mind", which is also the name of the class, and it deals with all the things that you can possibly be thinking of or struggling with in your mind (anxiety, depression, worrying, doubt, fear of responsibility, trust, etc.) .....she has a book that has scriptures from the Bible and she backs up her points with them and there is a workbook that goes along with the book...it has been very helpful...it talked about how the enemy (Satan) tries to use every little trick to attack us and take over our mind......so i guess it is true, your mind is a Battlefield, because everything pretty much starts out with the thoughts you have in your mind....and i am in a war with the enemy in my mind....and i'm struggling to win, but i need strength from God to help me to defeat the enemy....lol, ok this was very therapeutic....but hopefully i won't have anything depressing to write about in a while.....i just needed to let that out, because with school, work, church, and extra stuff i have to do with class, this semester has been very stressing....and i think i have senoritus....but this semester is winding down, and next week is Thanksgiving Break, so i have a week to rest and get my self together and ready for Finals week and any final projects i have due before then.....alrighty, it's time for me to walk over to this other building to go to work....i might scare folks away with this depressing ish, but i had to let it out...leave any comment if you have any...tell me what you think, aight, peace :-)
3 Comments:
Its a natural feeling...I'll keep you posted
I'll just say this:
No, you are not alone. I actually let those feelings overtake me when I was away at school in North Carolina. The best thing for you to do is to continue to do what you are doing. You are writing out your feelings, which not only allows you to relieve pressure, it allows caring people to come along and help you build a support system. Also, you realize that this is a SPIRITUAL BATTLE...it plagues our generation the worst. Most of your friends are dealing with some type of depression...they just won't tell you. Depression is a spirit sent in by the enemy, (satan), to weaken your defenses so he can attack you. Once you realize that, and begin to study your Word more, you will be able to defend against those types of attacks. Now I'm not saying you will never get depressed again, but when you do get depressed, you will be able to overcome it a lot easier. Things will get better as they go along...
yea, i guess it is natural since so many people go through it@ G. Cornelius Harris
thank you for that@Chris, and you're right, i need to study my word more to be able to battle it. and thats something i really need to work on...it is SO hard for me to read my Bible, i try, but then it's like something comes up...the phone will ring, i gotta eat something, something catches my interest on TV, i gotta wash clothes or clean up soemthing...i need to just put away a time period int he day to spend with God, and spend reading my word....also having a study Bible would help, because reading the king james version is hard sometimes...kinda like reading shaksphere to me :-/
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