Lets take a long walk...
...i'll get back to that title in a little bit. I havent really posted anything in a while, but i've been home in Chicago, well Hillside since thats where my mama lives now, just chillin and relaxing. I'm sure glad that we get a month off from school. Well lets see, my teacher never emailed me back (check out "the dumbest decision i've ever made..." post). I really cant believe i did that, but oh well. I will still be walking in May, hopefully...well i know i can because folks walk all the time and they dont be finish with classes. So i will be walking and alot of my family should be coming down to see me. I'm still sort of unsure about what i will be doing after graduation, i may apply to grad school at the school i'm at as undeclared until i building up a portfolio of plays for when i apply to a MFA program for Playwritng.Alot of stuff went on since i wrote the post from Dec. I know i posted something on Jan 1st, but i didnt talk about much. I think i already talked about almost getting stuck in Carbondale for Christmas, but i finally made it home on Christmas Eve. It snowed really bad down there and my cousin and her husband decided not to drive to Chicago so i had to buy a train ticket at the last minute to go home. The roads were really icy and people were having accidents. Before i left school, on the day i posted the "Dumbest decision" post, i went to the library after i got off work and i ran into the guy who's name is a synonym for "adore". So he gave me a ride home fromt he library and then he kissed me. Lol, i got so nervous because first i dont know how to kiss because he was only like the third person to kiss me, and i've never had a boyfriend, so i didnt really kiss him back. Also when we pulled into the parking lot i seen my cousin and her husband there and they were giving this guy from church that lives where i live at a jump for his truck. So this guy was talking about he liked me and blah blah blah, and he wanted to come into my apartment. I told him no, so he told me to call him later then. Also i was going to watch my Salukis (our b-ball team) play with my friend. I called him before i went to the game and asked him why he kissed me (i know that sounds naieve, but i am about alot of things because i'm inexperienced in alot of areas of life), and he said because he wanted to. So we talked a lil bit, well while we were in his car before he dropped me off and he told me about his heart condition he found out about before graduation (i did go to it), and he kept talking about how he was inlove with his ex girlfriend and that's who he wants to marry. So i figured out that he just probably wanted to come in because he probably just wanted to f*ck or something, but i'm not because i'm waiting until i'm married, and i told him that. After that he didnt really seem to want to be bothered. I still wanted to just go to hang with him since he's leaving for Kansas City soon, this weekend i believe. But oh well. Also it snowed so i didnt leave the house and his car was stuck. Oh well good luck to him and his new job.
I've been having a pretty good break. I got to see my little cousins which i havent seen in over a year when we went to my aunt's house for Christmas. I was about to cry when i seen them because i was thinking "Oh look at my babies, they're growing up". There are two boys and a girl, the two boys are 16 and 14 going on 15, and the girl is 13. They were looking at me weird when i was saying that. They use to love me. They would ask me to take them to the park and everything. I use to change their diapers when they were babies. They hate that when i say that. I told them that there were horrible teenagers, lol. I also got to spend some time with my grandparents. I also went to my father's house because i havent seen him in like a year and a half, and i got to see my two little sisters. The 10 yr old who's turning 11 tomorrow i seen this past June at my cousin's wedding, because she came with my grandparents. But the 3 yr old i havent seen since she was 1 years old. She is SO adorable! i wanted to take her back to school with me. She knows the theme song to "Fat Albert" and she knows the characters from "Good Times" because my father watches it and has it on DVD. She kept going around saying "Shut up JJ". LMAO that was so funny to me. I also caught her cold. So my throat is feeling a little scratchy now.
I also got to see my bestfriend Niamah and my friend Payton who left C'dale to come up to Chicago. I met them at the same time downtown and we all went to go eat and just went around downtown windowshopping because we were all broke. Niamah works in a store downtown and gets a 30% discount off things so i wanted to get me a new coat, but i didnt have the money on me. She said she'll mail the coat to me if i give her the money to buy it. I also met a guy i chatted with for the longest on BP. We dont like each other, but we just went to go to the movies and got something to eat. We went to see "Closer" which i never heard of and didnt know what it was about. It was too much for me. Kind of vulgar, i didnt really like it, but it was kinda good. It was cool tho just to go hang out with a guy and not worry about "if he like me" because we just went as friends. We've been chatting int he College Chat on BP since like my first year of college, and he's crazy. We were supposed to meet in the summer of 2003, me, him, and a few other people from BP that was in the Chicago area and all go to the Taste of Chicago. So i have one more day here. I leave to go back to school tomorrow. Hopefully everything is fine with my apartment. I kinda ready to go back but thwn i'm not. But i am ready to hurry up and walk across the stage.
Now back to the title. I've always loved that song but right now i'm kinda feeling that song, Jill Scott's "A Long Walk". This could or should be a post of it's own. I met a guy yesterday, well i've been talkign to him since the end of Oct. or since like the beginning of Nov. His name is James and he's really cool. We've been talking online since that time, and would email each other almost everyday. I would be looking forward to reading his emails. We would just talk about whatever, me and the problems i have with these guys, and he'd tell me about these females that are sort of stalking him. :) The he sort of told me he looked forward to my emails and i told him i looked forward to his. So we talked on the phone, and talked and talked all night. And since then we've been talking everyday. Then he asked if i wanted to go out, to the museum or something or somewhere. I said sure. I was SO nervous meeting him be he told me not to. So we met up, i had my mama to see how he looked first and she took his driver's license number then we went to the mall and walked around looking in stores and stuff. Once we finally met i wasnt nervous anymore but he was. He didnt need to be though, because i liked him. He's a cutie, and he's adorable, lol. I was more nervous than him, worrying before we met that he wouldnt think i was cute or that i didnt look like my pictures i showed him that were on my BP page, or if i'd seem boring or at a lost for words since i get really nervous around guys. To my surprise i was fine, i talked, and i wasnt nervous after we finally met. Since i'm not really use to male attention since guys dont really try to talk to me alot, and guys period really do these things anymore, but he opened doors for me, helped me put my coat on, and i just thought that he was just really a gentleman. I really liked that and appreciated that. I know he thought that was funny because i wasnt used to that so i was kinda like "What are you doing?". We were in the mall for a while. We left the mall. It felt like we knew each other longer than just talking for 2 months online and a week on the phone. We sat in the car for a while, we talked, we kissed, we went to get something to eat. We had to wait until after 6pm to eat because i'm on a fast with my church and we can only eat once a day for 2 weeks, which i'm a week and a half down now, lol, it's been really hard doing that. I had a really good time with James. He's really sweet. He's a Christian, and that's what i'm looking for. He's not perfect because he said he did his dirt int he past, but none of us are perfect. I really like him. I was sad he had to leave. I'm sad i have to go back to school tomorrow. We wont be able to see each other again until March when i come home for Spring Break. I want to date him but i feel that it'll be hard since i'm 5.5 hours away at school. What if he see's a girl he likes and wants to date her or if i see a guy i like and want to date him. I dont know. Maybe that's something i dont need to worry about right now. Right now i should just sit back and just enjoy the time i spent with him. Even though i'm not sure as of know what i'll be doing after graduation, but who know's what the future holds. I dont know what things will come up 5-7 months down the line. When i got home i just felt so, i dont know what word to use, exicted i guess. I really enjoyed my self. I felt happy. I was smiling, and that's something i dont do often. It just really felt good to go out with someone that i liked and i know likes me. That's that first time that's ever happened to me. I've never been on a real date before or out with someone that liked me. I mightve liked them, but they didnt like me. I just sat up and thought about the time we had to hang out all night and this morning. I really cant get him off my mind. I dont want to like him to much or get clingy because i dont like clingy people my self. But i really like him. And no i dont mean liking him too much like i'll stalk him or something, but i dont know, i guess i'm so cautious and stuff and defensive when it comes to guys, i'm sort of scared to let my guard down. But i like him. We talked on the phone last night because he called me to tell me that he made it into the house. I think i'll stop hear because i'm just rambling on now, lol, but i like him. I'll be back to post i guess on tuesday, Jan. 18th, if not tomorrow morning before i leave to go back to good old SIU. Have a good rest of the week people and a blessed weekend! :-)
1 Comments:
Glad you got home for Christmas and had a good break. Good luck with James. There is nothing wrong with letting your guard down to get to know someone new. Just stick to what you believe in and everything will be fine.
Blessings
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