Happy Late Easter and alot of other stuff...
...ok let's try this again....it is 3:20pm...i wrote about two chapters to a book earlier this morning around 1:30am, but i accidentally delete all of it when i tried to highlight and copy it so that i didnt lose it...but i accidentally hit a key, well my mouse hit something and it erased everything...i was SO pissed off....now if i can remember all that i talked about, i guess i can start from Easter....Church was good on Resurrection Sunday....a lot of CME members, as my pastor back home and pastor at school call them...you know, Christmas, Mother's Day, Easter members, lol...he was just teasing though when he said that, i hope no one got offended by it, because most of us probably all have been CME members at one point in our life....i probably wasnt quite that when I was younger, but i was probably more of a once a month church goers, or every 2 months....it depended on when my mama decided to go to church, and when she was able to get some rest from work because she worked so much....The service was good, it was a good word, talking about letting God and letting Jesus roll those stones away in our life, because we can't do it ourselves...i forgot which book, chapter, and verse that was from, i think Luke 24:1-6....but it was good...after that i went out to eat with a couple of people from church to AppleBee's since no one cooked.....
Tuesday after Easter, my best friend came down to visit me. This was her first time ever coming down to visit me in my 5 years of being here.....we havent always been best friends, but we've known each other since 5th grade....i guess as we've gotten older, the closer we've become, especially with experiences happening in our lives....about a month ago her mother kicked her step father out...he was being abusive toward her mother and sometimes and very in appropriate towards her....she held it all in all the years i've known her and never told me until a month ago when her step father was kicked out....she told me that he would say inappropriate things to her but never sexually molested her....i was sadden by that, i just wish she wouldve told me....not so that i could be nosey, but so that she didnt have to carry that burden all by her self...she always feel that she has to be strong for everyone else thats he doesnt allow her self to cry and just let everything out....
anyways she stayed down here from Tuesday to Friday night....i was hoping that she wouldnt be bored, which i hope she wasnt, but i dont do much, since i dont go out...i do hang with my friends from church, and we go out to eat or to the movies or to each other's house....so that night my cousin took us to wal-mart after she got off the train to get something to eat since i was broke because my account got over drawn....so wednesday since bible study was canceled and we didnt go with my church to this baptist convention thing, we went to the mall then out to eat with one of the girls from church, a little later some of the folks that went to the convention came back into town and came to eat at, you guessed it, Applebee's with us....She went to class with me during this week on Wed. and on Thursday my teacher didnt want to let her in class, why i dont know....on thurs. night we went to see these 3 short student plays that were about 30 minutes each....the first two were pretty good, but the last one made no sense what so ever...after the play we went to go bowling...she wanted me to call yellow man since she met him when i asked him to pick us up (which i wasnt gonna call,b ut she said to call so she can see him, and she sure did say he needed a bleaching kit, lol)....she wanted him to come and bring a friend so that we could have some company while bowling, and to take us to eat afterwards...i really didnt wanna talk to him....and he kept saying that we could go get him something to eat, but she was like he has the car...then he kept asking if i was cooking and i said no.....i refuse to cook for that negro, and the mistake i made before was cooking (which the fish i made didnt turn out so good) before and inviting him over....that was last semester, and he didn’t call me or nothing for like a week and a half, then he decided to pop up at my apartment at like 11:45pm, which I didn’t appreciate…so he was getting on my nerves and getting annoying, and he was also annoying my friend….i guess she could see why I really didn’t like talking to him, and she was like “I tried to stickup for him, but I cant anymore”…she’s the one that kept telling me to maybe give him a chance cuz he seems like a nice guy, but I know that I dont like him like that anymore…..so we went bowling by our selves and out to eat at this pizza place….
On Friday, she went to class with me again, and we later went to wal-mart and to choir rehearsal…….after choir rehearsal, we all went out (me, her, and some of the choir) to eat at this place called Showmee’s….that place is ridiculous…I guess it’s kinda like a Hooters, and the girls are dressed in these skanky hot pants that looks a mess on them cuz they don’t have a shape, as my cousin’s husband says “There’s nothing but a bunch of flat booty white girls there”…lol@him….so we went there and ate and joked and we had fun….so hopefully she’ll see that I do have fun and will come down again, cuz she was just clowning along with my friends from church too….i mean just cuz we go to church and don’t go out to the club to kick it or to the parties, doesn’t mean that we don’t have fun….we just have fun being around each other….So we go on the bus after that, which was a hour late, ugh I hate the Greyhound, to go to STL….
We went to STL to go to my 2nd cousin’s, on my mama’s side, wedding….it was a beautiful wedding…he’s in the Marines and they’re about to be stationed on some island….his wife and her whole family were just natural, more than 60% of them had locs and or a fro of some sort, which was fascinating to me because I’ve never seen a whole family of black folks wear their natural hair…and guess who was supposed to sing there but didn’t show! Erykah Badu! The bride is really good friends with her, bestfriends I think, but she wasn’t able to make it…they met in college or something…but the lady they had to replace her did a good job…but I didnt know E.Badu was supposed to sing at the wedding until afterwards, because before they only told us that a celebrity was gonna be there, and my friend guess Teena Marie or someone like that….
We had fun at the wedding, but my mama’s sister was trying to make everyone mad…her attitude is horrible and she holds onto a lot of things from the past that she needs to let go dealing with my grandma….i know that my grandma wasn’t the best person to raise kids….she has 9 kids, been married 7 or 8 times, I think twice to 2 guys, the last marriage, which was last year, was to my grandfather for the 2nd time, after 35+ years of divorce…they got back together like 3-4 years ago….anyways, she was also a partier and drinker….so she wasn’t the best person to raise children…so I’m not making any excuses for her…but my aunt tries to make it seem like she was overly mean to her and not to anyone else…saying that’s he didn’t feed her or buy her anything…now all the kids are back to back in age, my aunt and one of my uncles are born in the same year….and they were both premature….so they were all always together…and from what my mama and all her other sisters and brothers are saying, they’re saying that my aunt is over exaggerating…my mama even said that she bought her sister clothes when she got a job…she’s been saying all these things about my grandma, and which some are true, but other things are not……but until my grandma admit her wrongs, then this might continue….but she also needs to let go since she proclaims to be this super Christian, holier than thou person….that complaining spirit and evil and anger in her heart isn’t gonna get her anywhere….it was just like there was a dark shadow or something over her…and she tried to engage everyone else in her complaining and anger, that we had to walk away…..she was getting smart and rude with my grandma that a few of us were like we might have to kick her behind…..she was making a bigger thing out of nothing, and was being real loud and ghetto, which is something I really hate….anyways, all I can do is pray for her…now I know I complain, but she was making me not ever want to complain ever again, I mean it was that bad….she has such a negative attitude and a low self esteem, and just the stuff she was doing and saying, me, my mama, my best friend, my brother, and my great aunt was like she has a problem….she said that no one wanted her there, but the only reason no one would want her there is because of her attitude….so all I can do is lift her up in prayer….my best friend got a ride back home to Chicago with my mama, and I got back on the Greyhound bus to c’dale…..
My mama was upset yesterday because her computer was acting up and she needed to type her paper before she went to bed to go to work, i think it had a virus or something, or alot of adware on it, that it wasnt allowing her to type her paper because pop ups kept popping up....and it was hard to know what the problem was since we were talking on the phone since we're 6 hours away form each other...she was so upset that i can tell she had started crying...talking about she's gonna drop her class.....she got her job back, but they did her bogus...instead of putting her back on her originally schedule, they put her to work from 4am-12:30pm....when she has class from 8am-11am....so she had to talkw ith her teachers and switch one class to a online class, and the other one to a Sat. class...she decided to drop the Sat. class which is spanish since the teacher recomended her to, and now she wants to drop the online English class....i told her not to, but she was about to cry...she was already upset about going back to work since it messed up her class schedule, but i'm like it's only a month left, so stick it out...it seems that everytime she's tried to go to school, either when it was when her and my father were married, once they got a divorce, and when i was starting my first year or college, and even last semester, sometime alwas come up that she had to stop going to school....she's been tryng to finish up college since i was little, and hasnt been able to, whether because she didnt have anone to watch us while she went to school, or with her work schedule...i told her that i'm not going to let her quit, and that it's just the devil trying to throw a wrench up in everything, but we will not let him win....Satan is so dirty......i cant stand him....but i will continue to encourage her so that she can finish school...and hopefully within the next 2 years she'll be able to get that associate's finally, and finish her 4 year degree within the next 5-6 years...she's just 41, about to be 42, so it's never too late...i calmed her down and she said she'll talkt o her teacher to turn it in late, and go to bed for work..i dont want her to give up, so i just have to be strong for her since she's the one always trying to be strong....
Now yesterday was my best friends b-day (happy 23rd birthday friend!), and she’s going through a lot…like I said before her mama kicked her step father out and has a restraining order against him…but he still comes by their house knocking on the door for the last month, and he got arrested yesterday…so yesterday, she got a letter from her REAL father who’s in GA that she never met! Just like a few days ago we were talking about her finding her real father, and just look at what happened yesterday! So I told her maybe it was ment for her to find him, since God allowed him to find her…he sent her pictures of her, and him holding her from her 3rd birthday, and she looks just like him…anytime before her mother would never tell her anything about him, so she just kinda gave up on it, but last week she was wondering if she should or not, and I told her to go for it…but he found her…he hasn’t seen her in 20 years…I don’t know the whole situation, if her mama took her from him, or if they didn’t have a good relationship or what….but she scanned the pics and emailed them to me and I got to see them…she also read the letter he sent her…then after like 5 minutes, she started crying…I never heard her cry before…she started crying before her lil sister came in the room and told her that her mother was writing a living will…..she started crying because she figured that her mother was writing that because she thought something was going to happen to her, especially since her step father got arrested because her mother called the cops on him….i told her nothing will happen….so I need to keep them lifted up in prayer and not doubt that God will protect them…but her mother isn’t taking the precautions that’s he should…its just a mess….i cant be around men that act like that because my mama always told me that if a man say some crazy stuff or tries to hit you, or if he does beat on you, get away from him, because there’s no telling what he might do, and if he gets mad cuz you take the kids away or say’s that he’ll kill you, then believe him….my father stabbed my mother in her sleep, so I know, and she was soooooooooo hurt that he did that to her afterwards and she went into a deep depression for a long time…so I tell my friend to tell her mother to take this serious, and she’s like she’s not, and she don’t know what she’ll do if she lose her mother and have to take car of her younger bro and sis….so she was crying and I tried to calm her down over the phone, and her lil bro and sis tried to in her room, and I think she’s gonna be ok….she called her real father and left him a voice mail, so hopefully things will work out for her….
ok i know that this post is already getting helluva long and i dont think it was originally this long when i wrote it earlier this morning, but now since i'm woke i can write out everything that happened....so, while she was here, she talked to "James" on he phone since she could see that i was upset when i was talking to him, though i kept telling him and her that i wasnt....i dont know, i guess we will just remain friends....and i know that i will just have to deal with that....i mean i care for him a whole lot, maybe too much, but i do....since he seems to not be ready to really date, or just confused about everything, i figured that i'd give him a breather...though i havent really been talking to him as of late since about 2 weeks ago when i got upset with him when we talked about just being friends or not....it seems to me that he could be holding out for this girl that he actually seems to like more since he's been trying to get with her and just talking to me, cuz once she finally give him the go ahead, he might just go with her, but since she's confusing him, he's just like whatever...or maybe that isnt the case....so i guess i just need to keep my options open like my friend said....and i mean i like him, so i dont really see anyone that i want to get to know...i mean i see cute guys on the campus, but i pretty much stay to my self, and no one really comes up to try to talk to me like that...or maybe i should just stop worrying about dating, and before i know it, someone will come along that's really for me, someone that i dont have to worry about if they like me or not, or keep explaining to them that i like them because they dont understand why....i guess if i have to stop trying to date him or ask him about dating in order to save our friendship then i would...i really care for him, and i dont want to lose him as a friend....i wish i could talk to him, which i did on Sat. for like 3 min, but he didnt call back...i know he has work and all though....but i wish i had him to talk to him, because he listens and give me some insight on some things....and if i just have to be friends with him in order to not lose his friendship then i would, and leave all the dating stuff along with him, because it would hurt like hell if i couldnt talk to him anymore...and he'll be just like all the other guys and people that stopped talking to me....i dont know why, but that seems to always happen....just when i thought i was being able to talk to guys, now this with "James"...so i guess we're just friends, especially since he didnt get back to me...but why like someone and care for them when they dont like you the same way back...i'm putting way more energy into this than i should be doing....
but i havent been able to talk to him about all this stuff going on, so i guess thats why i typed it on my blog, even though i sure didnt feel like blogging, as you can see i havent been doing so consistently....well now it's 4:22, dang, it took me a hour to type all of this up...i guess that's about all i have to type...i have a 8 page paper due friday for my African American Theater class....and we have to use August Wilson's "The Ground on which i stand" and an article from his rival, Robert Brusten...we also have to use Leroi Jones, aka Amir Baraka's "The Dutchman" and "Revolutionary Theater"...also an article on the Black Arts Movement, and an article by my teacher....i have my light board opt. assignment coming up too at the end of the month....then may 13th is the last day of classes! yea!!! i am not graduating this May like i said before, and it has been pushed back to December since i just need that directing class...but it's all good....i was gonna walk in May but there isnt a single hotel left in c'dale now, so i just had to push it to Dec. since thats when i'm going to be finished anyways, and so that my family will have a place to stay....Illinois lost as well all know....i really dont care, because they took our coach (Bruce Webber), but that's ok...and no i'm not hating, i'm a disliker maybe, but not a hater....but Bruce Webber did a heck of a job with those boys, and he deserves his props for that...thats the same thing he did here at SIU when he got our team to the Sweet 16 back in 2002 and to the tourney the next year, and they've been in every year since the.....anyways, it's time for me to go, and try to go catch this bus back home, i'll post later :-) and if ANY of ya'll read this post to the bottom, then yea!!! for you! cuz it's too damn long, but i talk alot..... if you dont then you're a sucka! :-)
3 Comments:
You were in the STL? Hey hey now!!
That's crazy about your friend and her father and whole family situation. I hope everything works out the way she wants it to.
And HELL NAW I didnt read that long ass entry, you know you coulda split dis up into like 5 entries!
maybe badu had too many bags to carry....
Hey I missed you...I'm back...I'll keep you posted
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