I don't want to go back to school!
Aaaarrrggghhhhh! School starts Monday....yep...my last semester! finally...i am so scared...i don't know what to do with my life...in the last year i've wanted to be a playwright, a stage manager, work for a TV station, be a director, own my own theater, be a teacher, teach kids theater, own my own theater camp/after school program for kids...it's driving me crazy! here i am, going into my freaking 6th year of college and still working on my 1 B.A.....it's sad...but with all the things i've went through my first 2 and 3 years of college, no wonder i'm behind...from suffering from being depressed when i didn't know it, from my social anxiety, my loneliness, academic prohbation, changing majors from Theater to Radio/TV, then back to Theater...it's crazy....God please help me to sort out what i want to do because graduation is approaching quick...i have a few things that i could possibly do. i could...:
-work the camera again and try to be the floor manager for the WSIU TV station on my campus and then apply to some TV stations.
-be a stage manager for a TV show or news program.
-be a stage manager for a theater in Chicago or someplace else.
-go as plan with trying to get into either the Education program or Work Force Education program for my Masters in Education.
-get certified to teach and be a sub for different schools.
-work a regular job and write plays on the side.
-go to grad school for theater, for either playwriting or stage management.
-try to take some business classes so i can know how to get started with owning my own stage production company.
-try going to school in a whole different state.
-go back home to Cchicago in a cramped apartment with my mama, brother, and step father and work.
-go back to Chicago and room with my friend from high school and possible try to do grad school there.
-go to Atlanta with my friend from Chicago since she's trying to do school there and she said the cost of living is cheap and that we could live together.
-if i do happened to get a boyfriend, go to grad school where he's going to, but that would suck if our relationship didn't work out.
-stay right here in Carbonhell, i mean Carbondale, the place that i hated so much when i first got here 5 years ago in August of 2000 and continue to live either rent free at my apartment that goes by my income, or either live very cheaply and do grad school here and stay for another 3 years until i'm finished, but that's ok since my cousin is still here and i have an awsome church home.
God! i'm 23 years old, going on 24, about to finish college and i still don't know what i want to do! God help me!
in other news....boy's suck, especially at this College...they get on my nerves...they act like they wan't you then they act like they don't want you...maybe i need to try dating older men, but my friend said that's no better, especially since she dated a 33 year old that was a retard.....it just seems that anytime i try to let my guard down (since i guess i can be mean), and let someone in, i get my feelings hurt...or they don't show me the same amount of attention that i want to show them.....this guy i'm talking to makes me want to slap him! i wasn't ready because i've never had a boyfriend, but he was very ready for a relationship...now that i'm ready, he's not ready because he say's he can't give me the time and attention that i need.....but the negro still want's me, man WTF? i'm not waiting around for his butt...when i stop being available or calling him he's gonna wonder what's the matter....i tried that some weeks ago, then was like "Dang where you been?" i don't want to be playing games, but oh well...i just need to be alone and content with that...i think i'ma just do that 6 month thing that i was going to do earlier this year...that means no trying to date at all until February 2006! *sighs*
also...this was my first time ever that i've made the Deans List in my college career! i got all A's! i couldn't believe it! so i have got to savor this.....i was quite sure that i would get a B or even possibly a C in one of those classes i took this summer....even though the classes weren't hard, the 2 PE classes (Walking & Joggin and Strength Training) and the African American Art History class, i'm so glad that i was able to do it...i am also disappointed that that's the first time i've goten that many A's....it's like the last 5 years i've couldve did alot better, but alot of things happened....well my first 3 years...but it seems that in the last 2 years i couldve did alot better, especially so my GPA could get higher....at least the graduate school here let's you in with a 2.7 GPA for your last 60 hours, so i should be straight, because i think i finally got a 3.1 if i go great this last semester of classes...or i could always just walk in Decemeber like i planed on doing this past May, and take classes in the Spring of 2006 and postpone my degree until then so i can bring my GPA up even higher...but i'm sick of school and i think i need a semester off so that i can be ready for the Fall of 2006 for Graduate school.....well this is the first time i posted in a while...so hooray for that! i'll post later...
P.S...
i'm mad that all these bloggers are dissapearing and moving to other places! i go to folks blogs on my list and they're gone! man wtf?! stay in one place! or if you didn't move let folks know you not gonna blog ever again! :-)
5 Comments:
You will find your way...take some time and find your niche.
BTW, I'm now blogging in two different places...the old blog and this new one - http://lizavalentino.blogspot.com Come check me out.
lol...i forgot i changed my screenname.
Soulfularies aka Liza Valentino
Girl, we're in the same boat! I have my MASTER'S degree and I'm STILL confused (Though it's narrowed down).
I just gotta keep believing that eventually I will find my way. You will too :)
Welll, I do hope that you enjoy this go around of school! I am actually excited to be going, since it is my first time in college! :)
Yeah just take your time and it'll all work out. And don't be so hard on the guys. We have things that we are dealing with too. Check out my blog we discuss relationships occasionally. Ok be easy...
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