Post Graduation
I did it. I finally did it! I graduated from College! After 5 and a half long years i finally did it! I can't believe it. Well i can believe it. but it's just so weird! I graduated this past Saturday at 1:30pm from SIU-C under the College of Liberal Arts with a BA in Theater. What will i do next? i have no clue, and if one more person ask me that, i will probably cut them! lol, just kidding, but year i did it.Now i'm at home chilling in cold cold Chicago with cramps cuz my aunt flow came and with a cold, this sucks! Thats ok Though because i graduated! I got my family together, and it was alot of them there and my friends from church and class came out to support me! I had a wonderful time, although i was a little irritated. I know i got like a million pictures and my uncle taped it for me. I just want to thank God for letting me able to do this and thank you Jesus for the strength. After graduation we all went out to Red Lobster and sat and ate at the table. It was good to just be able to sit down with 25 of my family and friends and just have a good time.
A little later i went out with some friends to a few bars, though i didn't drink. I didn't enjoy my self then and i didn't like the cigarette smoke and the way folks was acting. Since i don't dance in front of people i couldn't enjoy my self and i didn't feel very comfortable. I don't know if i went there under pressure from my brother and friend, but i also wanted to kinda go since i don't go out like that anyways, but i really hated it and just felt so uncomfortable to a point where i wanted to cry, but only shedded a few tears. I don't know why, but i was very uncomfortable, and when i'm like that i get nervous and want to cry. But no one understood why, but that's ok. I just figured that i have to be me and not please no one else. Why compromise my self and what i say i wont do just to please others.
People don't understand why i don't like those places, but i just don't. But being me, and trying to hang with friends, i compromise and go out. Though they might say i wasn't doing anything that was compromising, but the whole thing was that i felt uncomfortable there. The smoke burned my throat and eyes and made my hair stink, and i just didn't enjoy it. I try to fit in and say "We'll i'll go to see if i like it and not be a prude" but i end up not liking it. That doesn't make me a prude, that's just me being me. I just have to find out eventually what Toya likes, and that's something i'm still searching. But for now i know i just like hanging out and chilling in the house with friends or att he resturant. I like to sit and talk and joke around. I don't have to go to a club or bar to have a good time, cuz i won'r have a good time there.
See me i'm a laid back person, so i could've just chilled at the house with friends, or go out to some place and just relax. I don't like the whole club and bar scene. I know the clubs and bars in Chicago maybe a little different, but since i don't like the cigarette smoke or dancing, i won't enjoy it, and i've told people that, but they'll always tell me "Well you haven't been to the right place". Well now i know i don't like non of that stuff. That almost ruined my day, but that's cool.
Other than that, i'm in Chicago right now. Maybe for the whole month, i don't know yet, but since i dont have a job lined up or anything, i'm going to go back to school. The only thing i have at home is a couch when i have an apartment at school. I think i'm going to meet with my daddy downtown and have lunch with him. I got some things i need to get off my chest and i also need to appologize for being rude to him. I'm not sure if i was rude to him this weekend, but for the last 6-8 years i probably have been. He's so stubborn and get on my nerves sometimes because he think he's always right and that really irritate and annoy me. But no matter what that's my father, and i guess in a way i'm still a daddy's girl, because it's hard for me to stay mad at him. So i need to appologize for that.
We talked about 40 minutes last night, and he just seemed to be so proud of me and said he knows that we don't talk as much though but he want's me to know that i just need to keep the ball rolling and continue because i'm very smart and intelligent and alot like him. He also told me that i need to be close to my 2 little sisters (one is 11 going on 12 and the other is 4). I guess it's hard for me to be close to them since they're my half sisters, and they didn't grow up with me and my brother. I guess i'm also bitter about him and my mama divorcing and him getting remarried. I realized yesterday that i'm still angry for that and bitter about it and i need to let it go. My cousin was telling me the other day about when the pastor was talking about not forgiving people. I love my daddy and i just need to let stuff go. Maybe if i tell him how i feel he won't do certain things like acting like he knows everything or saying rude stuff his self. But who knows, that could just be the type of person he is.
This weekend also my brother got to meet our 4 year old little sister for the first time. He hasn't seen her since him and our daddy haven't talked in about 6 years. My brother was still angry with my daddy, but they both talked this weekend for a bit. I hope things work out. My daddy was saying how he had a good time with seeing all his ex-inlaws, because they all grew up together since my mama and daddy grew up across the street from each other. It was like a mini family reunion, and he said he really enjoyed it and there was no hard feelings or anything, especially with what he did to my mama and the reason they got divorced. And that's the main thing i was worried about, about people getting attitudes and fussing at people and getting mad or acting funny towards one another, and there wasn't any of that. Thank you God for that because iw as really nervous about that.
Well i think i'll end this post here. I just had a wonderful weekend and i'm glad it's all over. I'm about to heat up this soup my brother got for me from Walgreens since i'm sick. UGHHHH@me always being sick and having my period when i go home! LOL TMI i know! but anyways, peace ya'll! :-)
2 Comments:
CONGRATS ON YOUR GRADUATION!!!!!
Congrats.. what a wonderful achivement and a beautiful post..
Dont be afraid to be true to yourself and your wants and desires.. If clubbing makes you uncomfortable you don't owe anybody any explainations for the way you feel, your peeps can either accept that or not..
But I digg how you were open to give it a try. Now that you know it's not for you, move on and try something else new that may bring you enjoyment when kicking it..
Peace n luv
Post a Comment
<< Home