I just dont know...
...i feel weird right now. Yesterday church was good. The pastor talked about continuing to stay motivated for God and what we should be doing until Jesus comes back. It was encouraging. I dont want to sound so boy crazy as i may sound but i'm really not since i'm so shy and i havent had a boyfriend still. With James i dont know. I know he says he needs to work on his self, and i do too, but i still want to date. Honestly i know i need to be working on my relationship with God before i even try to date anyone. Yes i'm a Christian and i'm trying to walk in my salvation. It's hard though. Even if i go to church every sunday and wednesday for bible study and go to choir rehearsal and sing int he choir, that's not enough to get me into heaven. Going to church doesnt save you. I dont think my relationship with God is that good, i know it's not. I know i'm guilty of just picking up my Bible and just opening it up on wednesday and sunday and not reading it everyday like i should.What am i doing throughout the week that let other people know that i am a Christian? People look at folks that say theyre a Christian under a microscope just waiting for us to mess up. I guess they feel that Christians put other folks that arent down. I dont do that and i have no right to because i'm no were near perfect my self. I'm struggling to do good and live right and line my self up with Gods' word everyday, but it's a struggle. I dont get up in the morning to pray like i should or pray at night. When i want to pray it seems like everything else needs to be done whether it's i gotta all of a sudden clean the house or the phone is ringing no-stop or i have something else to do that could really wait. I dont spend enough quiet time alone with God at all, and i'm mad at my self for that. Everytime i try to it seems to get harder and harder. Sometimes i feel like i cant do it at all. Why do i make time for everything else and no time for God? I really need to work on that.
I feel that i need to make time for God first before i can even get a man. It's so hard though when you've never had a boyfriend and just really want to date. It's especially hard when you've met someone that you like but you know you need to work on your self before you should even think about trying to date someone or be in a relationship. I just feel like if i miss out on this chance now that i will be alone forever. Not saying that this guy would be the one that i'mm marry, but even just having that experience of dating, and just knowing how a relationship work. We talked yesterday and i guess i really dont know much about him. He asked me if i have anything i dont like about him, and i couldnt really think up nothing. There is going to obviously be some thing's i dont know about him, but there isnt now because i dont really know him. I like him from thing's i know about him, but i havent been around him enough to really get to know him yet. It would be easier if i went to school up in Chicago, but even then he still live's far away and works alot. I do want to get to know him though and i do want that chance to date him though. It's confusing and wierd especially how i feel about him and i dont even know him that well yet. I mean i want him, and no not in a sexual way, but i just want to be around him. I could see my self dating him though for a while. I think he'd be a good boyfriend, and i think (not quite sure yet, lol) that 'd be a good girlfriend. Only time will tell if we can date. I guess the good thing is that i am at school and we can talk and be friends and get to know each other. But i still want to date him.
Maybe i just really want him because i like him, he likes me, he's nice, he's cute, he's a gentleman, i'm attracted to him, he's working on his self and trying to get his self together, and he has goals he want to reach, and he's a nice guy, which i like, and he's a Christian. It's so hard to come across Christian males, especially in my age group because alot of young men stop going to church i guess when they reach 18. All the boy's my age at my home church stopped coming around when they got to high school or in college. Even at my church here at school, there's a WHOLE lot more females in the church than males. I guess i feel like if i miss out on him then i'll miss out on something good. Since that's what i want i want to grab him up before anyone else can get to him, lol. That's sad i know, but what's wrong with me wanting to date him because of that? What other reasons are there to date? I know he might not be all that tall since he's about the same height as me and i'm 5'11 and i really like tall guys, but i like him so i dont care about his height, because i just like him, just like he may like short girl (booo :-) ) but oh well, he still likes me. I dont know. I guess we should just be friends now, since that's the best, and i dont want to scare him away or seem too needy and clingy. But i still like him alot and want to date him.
I got this bought this book at church about 2 days ago that's called "Knight in Shining Armor: Discovering Your Lifelong Love" by P.B Wilson. This book is aimed at Single Christian women who are wanting to marry. I want to get married eventually and have kids and have grandkids and God willing see my great-grandkids. I seen this book last sunday when they had the books out and was going to get it then but didnt. This girl at church told me to get it because she's reading it and it's good. I ended up buying it on Tuesday before church. I started to read it and it's talking about how women are saying that there's no more good men out there but there is a man that God has for you. It was saying not to be alarmed by the statistics out there that's saying things like there's 1 man to every 7 women. That's very scary, lol. In the book it was starting to say "How can you Love someone and be inlove with them if you havent been inlove with your true husband first, which is God. It gave some scripture to back that up, Isaiah 54:5. I have to be able to be inlove with God before i can be ready to be with someone. I've never been inlove, and i havent been inlove with God yet. That's why i guess i feel so stuck and my relationship with God isnt that great. I havent spent time with him yet to really get to know him. If i havent done that then how can i find a man? So as i started to read some more it said that for the next 6 months i should "put on a sign" that says "under construction". I need to be under construction for God. It was saying that 6 months is enough time to really get to know someone. Since i need to get to know God i should just really focus on him and not focus on dating someone during these 6 months. As i was reading the book and got to page 13 it said to sign a commitment that's on the next page. LOL, that's when i got scared. This is what it said:
Lord, I want You to fashion me for my prospective husband. I commit the next six months of my life for Your construction. I will surrender any area which is not controlled by You so that my life will bring You glory.
X_____________________________ Date ________
lol, so i got scared from that. I didnt sign it yet, because i do want to date, but what is 6 months? that's not long. It's not like i really dated before. I've never had a boyfriend, so whats another 6 months. But since it seem that i almost have that opprotunity to date, then i dont want to let that pass. But in the book it said to tell that man if you get asked on a date or if you got someone you have your eye on to come back or call back in 6 months. LOL, so i havent signed it yet. I dont know, more than likely i should. I know i need to work on my self. i was about ready to not read the book and take it back, but it said under that:
If you don't feel you can sign this now, don't close the book! You'll have more time to think about it as you read further.
If i can have some guy occupying my thoughts all day, why cant i let God and Jesus occupy my thoughts all day? That's sad. I havent signed it yet, but i will continue to read it. This maybe more than likely Good for me. Yesterday i was praying for God to help me to praise him and worship him. I know i need help. This is a LONG post so i will stop right here. I'll come back to this subject sometime later in a week or so i can tell what decision i made. Leave comments if you'll like and tell me what you guy's think. Or if i made any since at all.
4 Comments:
God knows your heart. He doesn't need you to sign a contract because he's already working it out for you. God is not going to occupy your thoughts everyday, and that's not a bad thing. I don't think he wants us to think about him all day, I think he wants us to live thru him all day. Key word being live. Live your life, you'll make mistakes you'll learn from them and move on. If you want to date, than do so. Every man you meet is not a potential husband, but you can still learn from that person, and have good experiences with that person. God loves us unconditionally.
Blessings!
He will come...Just make sure you are ready...I'll keep you posted
I struggle with this too. I think you're on the right track. God knows your heart, and I don't think it's possible for you to be perfect before you start dating. If that was the case, when would anybody start dating???
Do your best to live for God everyday and when you're ready, I have no doubt that he will send you somebody (just dating-wise for now...not marriage or anything *wink*)
Oh wow! You and I are so much alike. I'm a Christian too and I've never dated before. I am interested in someone who is a Christian and if I were dating I'd want it to be him, but I'm waiting on God and girl I know how hard it is too. I don't know him all that well even though I've known him for some years now. Our friendship seems to be moving ever so slowly. There are many things I like about him and then there are things about him that irks me, but I don't care much about those things because what I like about him outweighs.
I'm trying to focus on God too, so I joined different life groups (bible studies) at my church so I could build friendships with the women at my church and find encouragement as I grow into the woman that God wants me to be.
patience and trust in God is so valuable at this time in our lives. we won't miss out on anything when we put God first because everything else falls into place and God is one who gives us the desires of our heart. so keep holding on to your singleness and your time will come as you draw closer to God.
God bless you sis!
Gabi
http://www.stylesque.com/verbatim
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