THINGS I'M GETTING OFF MY CHEST & OTHER THINGS...

Throwback blog...

...i stole this idea from SoulfulAries, since i seen she put a old post up, and i thought, what a good diea, since i have not to write about...this has been a busy week...i'm working the light board for the play "Dancing at Lughnasa" and that play has got to be the LONGEST PLAY EVER! the first act is 80 minutes and the second act is 50...it's SO cold in the theater, and i've been trying my hardest not to fall asleep because i dont want to miss my cue when the stage manager tells me to GO over the headset....i had a coat and gloves on...man...this is a busy week, and school is over in 2 weeks! ugh! i'm kinda sad that i'm not graduating this may, but that's ok, i will be in december...i stillg otta get my play done for class... i have about 20 pages, i need about 60 more...anyways, here's the old post from about 2 and a half years ago....this is from when i was really depressed and after i went to the intake counselor to start going to counseling, i think alot of this what i typed about is some of the problem as to why i was depressed and or why i have a hard time with guys...or maybe not, i left any errors the same, whats the point of spell checking it?....heres the link to it: http://toya81.blogspot.com/2002/10/well-today-im-doing-alright.html

and here's the post:

Wednesday, October 23, 2002

well today im doing alright......i dont want every post to be all sad, cuz that'll be just too depressing, but hey thats how i was feeling at the time, but most of these post are depressing, but anyways, hopefully today will be the start of a new day.....and i say that because i went to counseling today, well the intake part, which i wont go too much into, but now i do feel a little bit better after doing that......well i told the man about how i be shy and how its hard for me to make friends, and how its lonely being down here without any friends, and he said he was glad that i did come in, because that shows that i do want help with whatever, but he was asking questions about how my classes are and eating and sleeping habits......he also asked about my mother, brother and father......but when he got on my father i got quiet, and i didnt notice that until he said that.......and it was like hard to try and talk about that, cuz i told him that my mama and daddy got divorced when i was 6 years old........and how my daddy stabbed my mama in her sleep (he was also on drugs then well getting off of them), even though that happened, that never really bothered me when i was younger, but as i got older i would get angry about that, it was like how could he do that?........if he ended up killing her, then me and my brother wouldnt had him or her, cuz she would be dead and he would be in jail.......but when i was little that never really bothered me, or i didnt think it did.....but he didnt go to jail he said he was crazy or something so he went to a shrink or some ish, then he skipped jail time, but even after that like a year or 2 after that, my mama still let me and my brother go see him at his apartment, that was like 2 years after the divorce, becuase they was seperated when he stabbed her, but thats what lead to the divorce.......but anyways i kept on tearing up and i was gonna cry when he was asking me those things, but i dont like to cry infront of people, especially someone i dont know, so i held the tears, back.........but man i got so quiet and when he started talking about my brother and my father i got choked up, and i guess cuz my relationship with them isnt all that good, and i want it to be, but my father gets on my nerves cuz he's stubbron and meant o my brother and my brother acts as if he doesnt like me and my mama cuz she sent him to live with my brother back in 98', but i just want everything to work out and be peaceful, but everything doesnt work that way.......so the intake counselor recommended that i go to group counseling, so thats what im gonna do once a week, so hopefully it will help........but anyways enough of that i need to go type my papers up and finish downloading these Luther Vandross songs for this CD im making for my cousin, and get the papers done since im leaving tomorrow and cant hand them in on friday, but anyways, bye bye....

posted by Toya @ 11:47 AM