Just Posting to Post...13 Years Now, Wow!
I've neglected my blog so much. This is my baby. My first introduction to blogging. I use to write so much when I first started it, but then fell off sometime around 2005, 2006 or 2007 when I started posting on Myspace more often. I need to find a way to get back my Myspace blogs! Maybe I can have them transferred over to this blog. I've started counseling again. The first time was when I first started this blog many years ago. I use to write about my experience with depression and social anxiety. Now I'm at a point in my life where I have been feeling the way I did back in undergrad in my early 20's.
Counseling has been helping though. I've had so much to happen in the last 2, almost 3 years, but I'm working through it. From school to dating to work to living on my own to trying to find myself and what makes me happy.
I told my counselor that I have so many ideas in my head and that I want to get focused. I am at a dead end job with a less than year old Masters degree and I don't know where to start. I feel so stuck. So she told me to start writing, just a little, everyday. I'm not sure if I will write on this blog but I will start. There are so many blogging platforms out now. I might try Tumblr or WordPress or make another blogger site. I have a few website ideas and I'm trying to figure out what would be the best for me to use. I might use all three.
This it the most that I've written in a while, besides my random Facebook post which becomes long winded. 13 years ago I started blogging. I need to take the time and go through all of my old post to look into the mind of the 20 going on 21 year old self. It may help me with some things I'm dealing with now.
One day, but for now, I need to get the writing. Hopefully it won't feel like drudgery anymore. It started to after a while after college. But this feels good writing this. Really good.
I'm 33 now. I'm getting old. Time flies by so fast!
Laters!
Edit: This is also my 200th blog post, woo hoo!
Funny that....
....after feeling a certain way tonight, I thought to come here to vent since I feel like I can't on my FB or Twitter...and I see I'm feeling the same exact way as I did over 2 years ago in the previous post. I have gone on dates since and dated a guy briefly, but at this point in time, I'm not sure if I want a relationship or not. Part of me does, part of me doesn't. Ah well....still trying to figure me and life out.
And wow, I've gone and graduated from grad school since my previous post. I now have a masters degree!
I need to stop neglecting my blog. My baby.
I want to be loved
I just want to be loved. Is that really too much to ask? I'm just llaying here in bed crying a little wondering why is it so hard to date & so hard to find someone to love me? Am I ugly or something? Not that cute? Not that smart? Not that funny? Too serious? Too smart? Too awkward? Have too much low self esteem? Not enough confidence? Am I took picky or is it just not my time to be in a relationship and be loved? Do I even love my self? If I don't love or know how to love my self then how can I be loved or expect someone to even love me? All these thoughts & questions running through my mind, but I will lay here and cry it off....and cry my self to sleep as my heart is aching, hurting & yearning to be loved.
My 10 year Blog Anniversary
I forgot to post on the 13th, the day before V-Day....i started this blog 10 years ago on that day. WOW! all i can say is WOW! i rarely blog these days...i guess i'm not as down and out and depressed like i use to be...and busy with work...i guess and other things a typical 30 yr old unmarried person with no kids do.
It's funny to look at the post that my 20 yr old self posted...sometimes it seems surreal, like someone else posted it and not me. I'm glad that i've posted some of them thoughts over the years.
i just recently looked into blogging about stuff to place ads on my blog, but i don't think no one really reads this blog so that they can click it. That's why you see those 2 post below this one with some ad link. I wish i would've done some advertising a long time ago! i think i use to get a lot of traffic on my blog....back then there weren't many bloggers.
I sometimes think about how a lot of these bloggers and video bloggers are so popular that i be like "man i could've and should've done that!". A lot of these new bloggers with the funny blogs and hair and entertainment and gossip blogs only been out since like 04' or 05', and look at how popular they are!
Anyways it's time for sleep (i'm dosing off as i'm writing this)...until next time america! Happy 10 year blog Anniversary to me! my blog...a place where i can show my thoughts. much love!
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testing
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Clenches onto any surface with a tight unremovable grip
*sighs*
I'm sick of dating....i met a guy about a month ago that i was hoping would work out...we were clicking and everything and then i busted him in a lie about his age. i know i need to leave him alone and forget about him but it sucks! i was really liking him...we ended up moving too fast though and got kinda intimate kinda quick *sigh*...i think that's why it stings even more and hurts a lil...well after the argument because he got mad that i googled him and busted him about his age (he said he was 3 years younger than he actually was. he was really 37, which was fine cuz i had "up to age 37" on my profile on that dating website), he got off the phone with me and then text me to say he had to discontinue the friendship and he's sorry...man wtf kinda shit is that? i guess as my friend says...that was REAL passive aggressive...oh well...now i see on his dating profile when i checked today (i took my pics down and decided to no longer us it), he didn't change his age but on his about me section he says that he is 37...so i sent him a message (which i know i shouldnt), saying that if he only had that on there instead. i told him don't worry i wont contact him no more....i set his calls to go to voicemail...i need to block his text messages too...i had added him on FB a lil before the argument and of course he deleted me right away after.
i'm just sad and hurt cuz i thought he would be the one to date...and be with long term...we were vibing SO much and had so much in common and made each other laughed and had this unbelievable chemistry. it saddens me :-(
oh well...back tot he drawing board...30 is approaching in like 11 days...i gotta just probably stay single and enjoy it since i've been breaking out my shell and going out...
i really need to get back to blogging more...it's been almost 10 years since i had this thing (or will it be 11?) anyways peace out!
