THINGS I'M GETTING OFF MY CHEST & OTHER THINGS...

well its 3:09 am, im about to go to bed soon, i dont know why i be writing my post so later, but oh well, i just remember to write them then, well i was just on BP chatting, thats BlackPlanet.com for you slow people, lol, well the people that dont use that site, in the chat chatting as always......

well i had to work today, im glad that the one supervisor Nina wasnt there, she has an attitude or it seems like one most of the time, its so funny how when she's not there everything is cool, no one seems to have an attitude, but when she is everyone seems to be mad or something, thats so sad, its sad how one person can change the mood of everything......me being my usually last minute self sent my financial aid off late and im still not done, i need a damn copy of my W2 for it to go thru, and i think i left the other one at school, the first bill is due on August 8th and my aid hasnt went thru, whichs means ima have to pay that first bill which was $1,400 something, which theres no way in hell that i have that, but they didnt take my room and board off, which will be like $2,300 for this semester, since the whole bill for the whole semester the tuition, room and board is like $4,000 something, but when the room and board is off it'll be like $2, 000 something then i'll just have to pay like $500 hopefully, then once the financial aid goes thru, i will get that reinbursed (sp) cuz i thin like it said on the school's web page, they paying for everything, i just need to send the W2 to verify......ima have to use my whole check that i got today and the next one and get some money from my mama to pay this first bills, cuz she already gotta pay for my apartment that im moving in with my cousin, well my trailer........well i go back to school in 2 weeks and like 3-4 days, im kinda excited......

a new school year, new people to meet, try and make new friends and go out, well hopefully my cousin will help me with that, maybe even find a b/f finally....but right now im kinda hurt, mr Eat n Run, yea i chatted with him on BP some minutes ago, well like 30 minutes ago i asked him what he be doing with his days off since he always saying he busy, he said "i be chilling and then go be with my girl" or something like that, i was like i didnt know you had a girl, he said yea he do......see thats why he was acting all funny i guess, all this time he couldve been told me that, i couldnt spent my time concentrating on someone else instead of thinking, "well maybe he might like me", see i hate crushes cuz they hurt.....

though im not really all that hurt cuz he was already acting bogus and i was like forget him, but i am a lil hurt cuz i didnt, and yea i do like him, well i did, cuz after he told me that it was like ok thats it, i dont wanna be bothered with him like that, cuz i dont be up and worrying and crushing on no boys with girl friends, cuz i would never try to talk to some other girl's man, cuz i wouldnt want no one to do that to me, with the exception of 2 boys in h.s, well i liked them for a long time and i still do, whether they got a girl or not, but with mr Eat n Run, im not gonna be worried no more, he did me bogus anyways, he probably didnt like me, which i dont think he did at all, but he shouldnt known i liked him, i mean come on it had to be obvious, but thats ok, and if you are reading this, and i wont say your name, cuz you know who you are, if i put this web link on my BP page and you happen to read it, you are so BOGUS, *sniff*, i'll be ok though, just a lil hurt, but I WILL get over it, cuz it really wasnt all that serious....but man i really want a BOYFRIEND, ugh, but i just need to be patient and so anxious for one......

its so funny though how guys online like me, but i cant find a guy, either lil boys or old men are hitting on me, i hope they dont think im stuck up, cuz im not, im one of the most down to earth persons out there, lol, well i guess everyone say that, but really, for real i get along with alot of people, if you cool with me and respect me and have a good spirit, i'll be cool with you and do the same, but why cant i find one, or why doesnt someone approach me??? the world may never know, but anyways its 3:26, lol wow i've been typing this long, lol see im a fast typer and i need to go to bed cuz i have some things to do, not much, just go get lunch with my friend, walk around outside, and figure out whats going on with my life, well goodnight, peace, God bless and all that good stuff, until next time America *like jerry springer, lol* take care of your self and others.......

posted by Toya @ 3:30 AM 0 comments

dang well what did i do today......me and my friend Naimah went to Bakers Square this morning for breakfast.....the waitress didnt know what she was talking about when i asked her if i could substitute something else for eggs, since i dont eat them, well i dont like them, and if i could get more pancakes, which i didnt finish eating, and get hash browns instead, but anyways, the food wasnt all that great, i never eaten breakfast there before anyways, only lunch or dinner, but it was ok i just went there for pie anyways, which ended up melting cuz i left it with my friend at her job and went to go get my check then came back and it was melted smh, but anyways.....

yea the boy that tried to holla at me when i got off the bus stop a week or so ago did it again, i ran into him on my way home a block from my house.....he didnt even remember me at first until i was like the girl with the fro, then he was like oh, well long story short, he's 18 and still in high school, ugh!!!! i know he looked young, but i didnt think he was still in high school i thought he mightve graduated this year, i know im just 20, but ima be 21 in december and im going into my 3rd year of college.....but he is so cute, oh well i got his number, but he dont have mine, i'll just call him say we can be friends and thats it cuz i do have a problem with the age as of now, and he did ask me if that was a problem i didnt say nothing though, but in a year or two he can holla at me then, lol.......

i actually went outside again in a tank top, wow, lol, and i hate it cuz i end up feeling uncomfortable cuz it feels like all the dudes are looking at my breast, they're not even all that big, smh, but it seems like it, maybe they arent looking at them, but that seem to be where their eyes go, see since im so self conscious about my self, ima stick to big clothes, lol, cuz i dont like for people to stare, but anyways, i need to go, work again, im glad i had today off, well yesterday since it is a new day, aight peace people...

posted by Toya @ 2:27 AM 0 comments

well wassup people, not much going on again.....im up late again and i need me some sleep, lol....well the 17th, tomorrow is my grandma's b-day, and her twin sister, she'll be like 60 something maybe 66 or 67 i dont know, since she never tells me what year she was born.....my lil cousin b-day was on the 13th, he turned 14 years old, awwwwwwwwwwww, i remember when i use to change his diapers, lol, him his brother thats 12 and his sister that just turned 11 on june 22, those are my babies, i cant believe they're getting so big and getting older i remember when they were little munchins, lol, and i use to give them piggy back rides, but i cant no more cuz they're too heavy, lol, but anyways.....

im waiting on my brother to get in from work i try not to cuz he's grown, but i worry about him, even though he gets on my nerves i love him to death, even though he may not think so since we argue alot, you know your usual brother and sister arguements, its been like that our whole life, but i love him and i hope he loves me too......

he's 18 now, he works at this theater and doesnt get in until like 2-3am sometimes, even later, since they start showing their last movie at 12am, so they have to wait until everyone leaves to start cleaning up, but hopefully this job will make him responsible, he had it send christmas day 2001, that was his first day, and his first job, but he quit for like 2 months and went back, cuz he needs to save up money to get an aprtment since my mom isnt letting him live with her when her lease is up this september, but thats a whole nother story........

but anyways i guess i'll just go to bed he should be coming in soon and i have to wash clothes before i go to work in the morning anyways......i told my cousin, the one i'll be living with about Mr "ima eat and run", lol i sent her a note on Bp, she told me what everyone has been telling me for years: TO STOP BEING SO SHY AND TRY TO BE MORE OUTGOING......i try to be ya know, but its hard, i really do think i have social anxiety, but maybe i dont, but ive talked to my doctor about it, she said i could try some meds that was back in march, but i havent tried any yet, but i'll try to be more outgoing this school year.......i guess i'll go with my friend Naimah when she goes job hunting downtown on friday since thats my day off, well i need to go to sleep, since i have to be at work at 4:30pm and have stuff to do before, and my brother just came in like 5 minutes later after i typed this, well 2 minutes, so i can go to bed now since i know he's safe, lol, peace......

posted by Toya @ 2:26 AM 0 comments

well wassup again people??? its like 2:23 am here now, im just writing something to make more blogs, lol....well what did i do today well yesterday....nothing much i just slept until like 12pm and did nothing, i have no life, thats so sad, smh, oh and smh means "shaking my head" lol, ive been chatting in chat rooms for too long.....

i go back to school in a month, kinda excited about that cuz i will be moving off campus with my cousin, she 26, so this should be an interesting year....maybe she can finally get me out the house, instead of it being like when i was in the dorms and her calling me trying to get me out and me being like "naw im sleepy" or "i have studying to do, when i dont even study, lol", but hopefully i'll have a lil fun this year, hopefully meat somebody, get me a boyfriend, lol, but im not gonna rush that, someone will hopefully come my way......

ugh on the 4th i invited a guy that i met online to my mama's bbq, well i met him cuz i know his sister and cousin, they went to high school with me, and i met him off bp, and he use to live in my niehgborhood, well his sister and other family still does, and he still works in my neighborhood, well anyways i invited him and that negro came thru with like 5 of his friends and got a plate and one of his friends got one anf left to go downtown to the Taste of Chicago, now tell me how bogus was that? i was pissed off, that was really rude, and my family and whoever else was there saw how rude that was, damn free loader, but i couldnt cuss him out, cuz i dont cuss people out, well only my brother, butr thats different, lol, but i called him and told him how i didnt appreciate that, but he was like "well my friends was gonna leave me, i didnt have that planned"....but i was still trying to get him to know how rude and disrespectful that was and that hurted, i was waiting for him to come, and i wasted my day waiting and i didnt apprecite that, i couldve been off doing something else like going around trying to get phone numbers, lol, j/k, well go look at the boys at the b-ball court, since we was at the park...... i wasnt gonna call him to make sure if he was gonna come, but i thought maybe he did still want to come and was planning on coming, so i didnt wanna call and be mean, but im sorry that i called now, i havent talked to him on the phone since, i talk to him in the bp chat room like 2 times after that, but im still hurt by that and i dont wanna seem like im sweating him, cuz after i met him on May 10th, he acted like he couldnt call me no more when he called me like everyday for 2-3weeks before that and i talked to him online like everyday, but thats a long story, and on the 4th of July that was thr 2nd time i seen him ever, but i liked him, and well im just thru i know he dont like me, but we couldve been friends, but he's not acting like a good friend, and i thought we was cool, i guess not....

but thats ok because i will make other friends, i still have my one best friend that ive known since 5th grade, and there will be other guys out there that want me, hopefully, lol, but anyways i know this is kinda jummbled together but its 2:34 am and im sleepy, and im about to go to bed, lol, and if you read this, and you know who, mr "ima eat and run" Ef you and you're an asshole, lol ok im not mad anymore, peace people....and God bless....2......

posted by Toya @ 2:39 AM 0 comments

well lets see.....whats going on today, not much, i have to go get ready for work in a minute, i have o work from 4pm-10pm, ugh!!! which i dont like because i'm gonna have to walk home bye my self since my brother works later then my and my mom and step dad works night, but its cool........i was up all night trying to do something to my hair, i havent had a relaxer in 2 year this month....which isnt bad, cuz i went 3 years without one 2 times......still no guy, lol, but if i wrote yesterday of course there wont be one......these 2 dudes in the BP chat was talking about "uplifting black folks" and they was putting down everyone else saaying that we didnt care because we wasnt partaking in their conversation, im like ok, so i asked them and they had the nerve to call me and other people "niggers" im like "whats make other people niggers and not you?". i swear black folks, they're just some part time "uplifting black folks", i hate it when people be like that........but anyways i need to go, i might write more later.....i hate KMART!!!

posted by Toya @ 2:06 PM 0 comments

well well well, i havent posted here in like lets see....like 5 months!!! lol, but anyways i thought maybe i should start writing on here more since my BP page is so full of stuff and my friend told me i should start writing opn the blogger again, so here it goes.......ok well i finnished my 2nd year of school......ive been out of high school for 2 years now, and its like so weird, i rememebr high school like it was yesterday, i know 2 years isnt that long, but it seems long, but then again it doesnt. theres so many people i've lost contact with that i wish i havent.....


i wish i wouldve told this boy that i liked him i had a crush on him since 11th grade, he was sweet, but me being shy, i didnt. on the day of graduation i was, but i chickened out, even after i gave him my prom pics i tried to write "i like you" on the back of the pic, but i didnt, i just wrote some stuff like "ima miss you very much" so mayb he figured out that i did like him, who knows, but he had a girlfriend though....i had a chance on the trip to 6 flags great america to tell him some days after graduation, but i didnt, even on the last day of school when we came back to get our report cards, i didnt, and that was the last time i seen him....i heard he moved to florida or something, but hopefully i will run into him someday, maybe not until our class reuion, if he comes, but i will tell him how i felt when i see him, i just feel like i have to.......


well ive been home for like 2 months, and my summer break has been really boring, i havent found me a boyfriend yet, im still single, i dont want to be, but i dont want to go looking for someone either, i rather have God send them my way or something....but i am really sick of being ALONE, lol....i was getting of the bus coming from work like 2 days ago, i work at Kmart, it sucks, lol, but anyways this boy was trying to holla at me and get my number, but me being slow, lol im like i gotta go, but it was dark outside and when its dark outside i just say hey and keep on walking, cuz there's too many crazies out here ya know, but anyways he asked me the time as soon as i got off the bus, im like "its 9:30", so he was like "so you live over here? you have a boyfriend? what happened to your last boyfriend" lol im like i dont know, and he was like why i was in a hurry im like im ready to go home, so he kept asking where i live at like 3 times, i was like "down there" as if ima tell him what building and my address, hell no, lol, but he asked for my number but i didnt give it to him, i dont wanna give out my mama's number and i dont even have a cell phone yet, but like i dummy i didnt get his number, but hopefully i'll see him around, so he was like "ok i'll see you around" im like ok, bye, and i took my ass into the house cuz i was tired from working at Kmart 8 hours....i really do hate that job, but i need the money since my mama wasnt gonna give me no more, lol and i need the money for school in the fall, so i can quit in a month yea!!! lol, but anyways, thats all for today i know this is alot, but read it anyways, lol peace....

posted by Toya @ 3:34 PM 0 comments