THINGS I'M GETTING OFF MY CHEST & OTHER THINGS...

Crushes (Part 2)

Ok, now to go past a few others, lets say 10 crushes, lol, but they were minor ones that I really dont remember, let's fast forward to Nat. Nat, like Nat Turner that is, not Nate. His name is Nathanael though, but everyone calls him Nat. I might've talked about him on my blog before, or maybe not. Now Nat is 22 and will be 23 in Feb. He's a really nice guy, and guess what, I like nice guys! I don't want a thug! I don't want a guy that's bragging about how much he's got! I just want a nice guy! And no I don't think that nice guys are punks. I like nice guys and all nice guys aren't punks and too soft, cuz I dont want a punk, I dont want a thug, I just want a nice guy. But Nat is nice. He's another musician, he plays the piano. Now he started coming to my church here at my school like last year in the fall of 2003. He started helping out playing witht he choir, and when our organ player left, he had to step up. Now he came in August of 2003, I liked him by September of 2003, lol. He was so cute to me and he was really nice. The only bad thing is that he's the same height as me, which is 5'10-5'11, but he's very cute. Also I usually like carmel, brown, or dark skinned guys, and he's rather "bright" but he's cute.

I liked him pretty much the whole school year. I finally admitted that to my cousin, and she was like "I don't know why you like him, he's kinda nerdy, and goofy", but I did. I've always liked the class clown, and yes he's nerdy, but I like smart guys, and he wear's glasses too! Glasses are sexy on some guys to me! So I guess my cousin talked to him, because she was the minister of music, our choir director, and she got his number for me. Christmas break was about to start and we were gonna be at home for about a month. She didnt tell him that I liked him, but she told him that my mama moved to the same burb he's from, and that I didnt know anyone there because I grew up in the city. Dang this is a LONG ASS POST! Oh well though, lol.....anyways...yea, like I was saying. OK. I called him, and he came to hang with me for like 30 minutes (ugh@that). I was so nervous about him coming to my mama's house, and i got the courage to call him after watching the video and hearing Alicia Keyes "You dont know my name" (thats my song) like 50 million times. So we came back to school for the spring, and I FINALY got the courage, and he was the 2nd guy I did this to, and called him and told him that I liked him. He left me hanging like Patrick did, told me nothing. So I really wanted to know what he thought about that, so I e-mailed him to ask because i was too nervous to call him again. I told him to be honest and not to worry about hurting my feelings, and if there was any chance for us or if he didnt like me at all. And he was honest. He told me that he didnt like me and that he didnt see us together that way. I still got the e-mail he sent back to me. He said that when he came to visit me, he seened me in a different way, and thought that I was cute, but he didnt see us being "together like that". I was hurt, but at least I knew and didnt have to wonder if i'd ever have a chance with him.

The thing is though that I still kinda like him! Aaarrrrgggggghhhhhhhh!@that! I mean he's gonna make a good husband for some girl someday. He's saved, goes to church, loves God, about to graduate, he's 22, he's a engineering major, he has a job lined up with John Deer, he's about to start off making $50,000 a year, I mean come on! He need's a wife! It seems like he got his self together. I still cant make him like me though. The cool thing was that after I told him, he didnt act funny towards me and we still talk. I was so nervous that he wouldnt talk to me anymore after I told him I liked him. So it's all good, I still talk to him at church, and he isn't funny acting. He's graduating this December and will be leaving after graduation to go to Iowa. *sighs* I'm going to miss him. LOL, I really need to get over that crush before I start sounding stalkerish, unless I already to. NO I do not stalk him! Well I think the word I really mean is Obsessed, but I'm not obsessed, I don't think I am. Do I sound obsessed? I really dont know.

posted by Toya @ 9:52 PM 1 comments

Crushes (Part 1)

I HATE THEM! How do you get over one? I know that you can just "forget" about the person, but sometimes that's hard to do. I've had many crushes in my life. Is that a bad thing? I dont know. I'm not really guy crazy, I mean come on now, I'm too shy to approach a guy and I rather for them to come to me, but I dont mind admirering them from afar. The earliest crush I can remember is when I was back in like kindergarten. The guy name was Michael, I forgot his last name, and we were in the same class together. I dont know why I liked him, maybe because we had the same generic box of crayons, I dont know, but I did think he was cute. Well I'm note sure if that crush came first or the one I had on a guy from my church back home.

Shawn, that's his name, was in the choir when we were youner and he played the piano and drums. He was the first of many crushes I've had, especially on musicians. He was a year older than me, and his b-day is 3 days before mine, which is tomorrow. I liked him for a really long time, and he never noticed me, heck he probably dont even know my name. He's in jail now however, getting mixed in with some of his friends over a gang rape. I know that's crazy. They said he didnt do anything, but he was there (which is bad enough if he didnt stop it), but he's in jail and been in jail since like 1999 I believe. I dont know if he did it or not, but that was my first crush. I've liked him ever since I was like 5 years old.

The next major crush I had was on a guy I knew since 5th grade. I've liked him since then. He was tall, and I liked that because I was tall. Since girls usually start puberty before guys, I was usually always the tallest in my class until about 8th or 9th grade. Patrick is his name. Now Patrik was tall, like i said, and he was very cute. He was sort of bad, but as we got older he wasnt the bad kid in class. He was like 6ft tall in 5th grade, but now he's only like 6'5". We went to grade school together since 5th grade when i transferred to that school and we went to high school together. I was SO inlove with the boy, and he never noticed me. How sad. I use to think about him all the time, just wishing that he would one day start speaking to me on a daily basis, but he never did. He would talk to me sometimes, say a sentence or two, but we never had a conversation. He was on the Basketball team and football team when we got to high school and was popular. He was even voted most concieted, but he really wasnt. His b-day was 3 days before mine also, but he was just 3 days older than me. He'll be 23 tomorrow and I'll be 23 on saturday. Dang I always end up liking these Sagittarian males, and i hate it because there's such assholes! But back to Patrick. I wanted to go to prom with him, but I was too scared to ask. No one asked me to prom, cuz I was the quiet girl, and I probably looked mean too because I didnt smile much, so I ended up going to prom by my self. So he went with a girl we graduated from 8th grade with who didnt even go to our high school. I told my self every year that I would tell him that I liked him, but I always chickened out. I denied that I liked him whenever my bestfriend would say that I did, thought she knew, and when I finally admitted it after we graduated she was like "I knew you liked him". I guess because I always started to blush if someone mentioned him or if she asked me if I did.

Anyways, we graduted from high school, and I was surprised when he signed my year book and put his phone number in it. I was SO happy! So I called him a few times after we graduated. I even called him my first year of college and told him that I liked him. We was talking on the phone for almost a hour, about nothing, and when he said he had to go, I just blurted it out. I told him because he was supposed to be leaving I believe and going to MN for school, which is where he's at now, but he didnt leave until the next year. I said it so fast, he probably didnt even hear me when i said it. He never said nothing else about that. I went to visit him one time before he left Chicago. I went to get a prom picture from him, I think it was over christmas break of my first year of college. I ended up staying at his house for like 5 hours though. We just sat up and watched Tv and played old Nintendo games. He didnt try nothing, and didnt show any signs of liking me, so I knew then that he never would. Besides he always was with light skinned girls, so I guess I'm too dark for him :-( . So the last time I talked to him was when he sent me a note on BP saying "Happy Valentines day" and that was back in like Feburary of 2003 or maybe 2002 I believe. Now when i send him a note, he wont even respond. That asshole! Oh well screw him! I'm hurt to hear that he maybe gay. Well that's what my friend said. He's probably one of those DownLow brothas, who knows. But my friend saw this other girlt hat went to high school with us and she told my friend that she seen him at a party and that he was "acting gay" and doing the robot for these white girls. That sounds kinda gay right there, lol. LOL@acting gay. Maybe I'm just a little bitter though.

Besides Mr. Patrick, I had another crush on this Jamaican guy named Damion. Damion was such a flirt and was SO funny. I met him in 11th grade when we had homeroom together. He was sexy too. But he never noticed me either, and he never flirted with me *sighs* He's still together with this Mexican girl he was going out with in high school that was a grade under us. I wanted to go to prom with him if I couldnt go to prom with Patrick, but he had a girlfriend. His girlfriend's parents didnt let her go, so he didnt go, and I was too shy to ask. *sighs*

posted by Toya @ 8:35 PM 1 comments

i was bored

so i filled this out yesterday afternoon. my friend sent it to me in a e-mail. i said a while ago that i wasnt going to fill anymore of these out because i use to get so many of them, but oh well:

Welcome to the Fall 2004 edition of getting to know your friends COPY (not forward) this entire e-mail and paste it onto a new e-mail that you'll send. Change all the answers so they apply to you, and then send this to awhole bunch of people including the person who sent it to you.The theory is that you will learn a lot of little things about your friends, if you did not know them already!

1) What time do you get up? (i didnt read this question right either, but i usually get up between 7:30-10am depending what time my firs class is) I got up at like 7:40am, running late for my ride for church. Sorry Tab :-(

2) If you could eat lunch with one person, who would it be? Chris Webber (lawd that boy is SEXY, and his smile! *sighs*)

3) Gold or silver? Silver

4) What was the last film you saw at the cinema? dang, um, i dont know, probably "bad boys 2" or "fighting temptations". I still wanna go see "Ray"

5) What is/are your favorite TV show(s)? The Cosby Show! and "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Aire"

6) What did you have for breakfast? I don't have any milk in my house, so nothing.

7) Who would you hate to be stuck in a room with? Um, i dont know, someone who's annoying, possibly my brother, just kidding...i dont any anyone yet...get back to me on that, oh wait, someone that smells like onions!

8) What inspires you? God, my mama, my grandma...

9) What is your middle name? Lanese

10) Beach, City or Country? CITY! Chicago!

11) Favorite ice cream? I LOVE ice cream, i have a few...Bryer's oreo cookies and cream, cookie dough, pralines and cream, and Ben and Jerry's "half baked" (vanilla and chocolate ice cream with cookie dough and brownie batter pieces)

12) Butter, plain or salted popcorn? None of these. I rather have Garretts popcorn (CHICAGO!), carmel and cheese!

13) Favorite color? BLUE!

14) What kind of car do you drive? Um i need to get my license first...(i know this is sad, especially since i'm about to be 23 next Sat.)

15) Favorite sandwich? Don't have one, as long as it dont have mayo on it, i'm straight...

16) What characteristic do you despise? arrogance, liars...

17) Favorite flowers? don't have one

18) Where would you go on vacation? i have no idea.

19) What color is your bathroom? white/cream, and a purplish color...

20) Favorite brand of clothing? As long as i can afford it and it fits my body nice, then it doesnt matter...

21) Where would you retire? i have no idea, probably in chicago or a burb of chicago, maybe a west suburb...

22) Favorite day of the week? i dont have one...well next saturday is because it will be my b-day :-)

23) What did you do for your last birthday? I was doing homework at Tabitha's house, my b-day was on a thursday last year...and on that saturday, lets see, we (me, glenda, tab, mike, cathy, payton, lynda, jeremy, and i think thats it) was at lynda's house and we ate chinese food and they bought cupcakes and put a candel on one for me and sang happy birthday to me, that made me cry :-)

24) Where were you born? Chi-Town, the Windy City!

25) Favorite sport to watch? Basketball because i dont understand any other sport, and because i use to play it. i am 5'10-5'11, but just because i'm tall doesnt mean i can play. i suck at b-ball!

26) Who do you least expect to send this back to you? Glenda, cause she doesnt like forward emails :-)

27) Which person do you expect to send it back first? I really dont know....

28) Which detergent do you use? i use to use whatever i could afford, but i now use Gain, i love the way it smell.

29) Coke or Pepsi? Coke because it's sweeter.

30) Are you a morning person or a night owl? i'm a night owl

31) What is your shoe size? why you wanna know? my feet are big (i am 5'10-5'11) and i dont want to say the size...

32) Do you have any pets? i use to have a cat, but my mama gave him away :-( we had him from 1993 to 2002

33) Favorite season? i like the spring, i like the summer, i like the fall, i like the winter, heck i like it all...well no i only like the snow in the winter time, i hate the cold!

34) What time is it? 3:25pm

35) Nicknames? Toya, just because, I dont know, folks just rather say Toya instead of Latoya I guess *shrugs*

36) Number of candles on your last birthday cake? 1 because it was a cupcake, they couldnt fit 22 on it....

37) Kids? not until I'm married...

38) Hair color? Dark Dark Dark brown I guess...

40) Piercing? 5, and they're all on my ears, no place else.

41) Eyes? Dark Brown

42) How much do you love your job? it's aight, but i dont do much, i just have to deal with students everyday trying to get out of taking a psych 102 test...

43)Residence? Carbonhell, i mean Carbondale, IL for school...

44) Favorite Food? I dont have just one, because i LOVE food...let's see...my mama's macaroni, popeyes chicken, garretts popcorn, giordanos pizza, my grandma's butter cookies, my aunt bea's cakes, potatoes, etc, etc....

45) Been to Africa? nope, i know 3 people who have been to Ghana though...

46) Been toilet papering? nope

47) Have you ever been in love? not yet *sighs*

48) Been in a car accident? a small one *looking at Glenda*

49) Croutons or bacon bits? Croutons

50) Favorite saying or phrase? Negro/sucka

51) Favorite restaurant? Red Lobster

52) Favorite nonalcoholic drink? pop (you know chicago and some midwest people say "pop" instead of "soda" or "a cold drink" or calling EVERYTHING a "Coke") and kool-aid, any flavor (and Red is a color not a flavor suckas, black folks stop saying your favorite flavor of kool-aid is Red! Red kool-aid is either cherry or tropical punch! smh)

53) How many times did you fail your driver's test? i passed the written test with an A. i just never took the driving test...

54) Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Jason

55) Do you sing in the shower? Sometimes

56) Which store would you choose to max out your credit card? i would get 39239882 pairs of jeans from Lane Bryant because they fit nicely...(too bad that i'm not top heavy, cuz i would get their shirts too, i guess i dont have enough boobs, well i got enough, but i'm not like a 48 FFF cup) :-/

57) What do you do most when you are bored? either watch tv, go to sleep, or go on the computer...

58) Bedtime? It depends, sometimes i stay up until 2am, sometimes i fall alseep at 10pm

59) Glass half empty or half full? Half full

60) If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be? Chicago? *shrugs*

61) Time you finished this e-mail? I'm not finished yet and it's 3:34pm...why isnt this the last question?

62) What CD is currently in your car CD player? i don't have a car, (when i originally filled this out i didnt notice it said "car cd player") but in my cd player, i have the songs the choir has to learn...

63) Favorite Pizza toppings? Sausage and Peperoni

64) What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? i dont have one yet, but i would like to produce and direct films :-) or be a teacher for the 3-6th grade

65) If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? It does exist, what type of question is this? I want Him to say "I love you Latoya, come on in, take ya shoes off first." Hey God probably kids around too! He probably got a sense of humor since we get our emotions from him.

Now, here's what you're supposed to do....and DON'T spoil the fun! Copyand paste the entire email into a new email. Change all the answers so that they apply to you. Then send it to a whole bunch of people youknow INCLUDING the person who sent it to you.

don't ya'll just hate getting these emails? and they have some of the dumbest questions on them....oh well, and i was dumb enough to fill it out, lol, but heck, like i said i was bored...

posted by Toya @ 2:10 PM 1 comments

Well, well, well...

...i'm back in Carbondale for school...i got back last night at like 9:35 on the Amtrak....my Thanksgiving was fine...my mama did cook a little bit, she cooked some greens, some dressing, a turkey, potato salad, and some macaroni and cheese (lol@the person on BP that called me a macaroni expert)...but we went to a lady form her job house...now this lady, lawd she had SO much food....we got in the house and didnt even eat the food my mama cooked (well we did after what we ate from earlier settled down in our tummy's)...this lady, she had, fried chick, ribs, pinto beans, turkey, ham, potato salad, shitlins, i mean chitlins, (well chitterlings is the correct saying), greens, greenbeans, cornbread, banana pudding (ewww), and a carmel cake! i just couldnt believe all of the food she had...and i got full off of one lil ol plate!

ok, now when i came home sundaynight, i think i already typed about this, but my mama had me up all night helping her with her paper! Gosh, i didnt get any sleep....on Tuesday i took my grandparents (my father's parents), well they drove, but i paid, to Red Lobster....now my grandma dont go out to eat much, so she didnt know what she wanted....my grandpa had a idea...i was trying to lure them to the lunch menu cuz i was short on money anyways, i only work 13 hours a week on campus....but they ended up getting the 30 shrimp for $10.99, so that was $22 for the two of them...i was trying to get them to get a $6-8 meal off the lunch menu, but they kept going towards the main menu...anyways, they got that, and i got the shrimp alfredo pasta off of the lunch menu.....so we sat there and ate, and ordered one Vanilla Bean Cheesecake, that we all ate off of...man that bill was $42, i should've known, but i was hoping that they would order off of the lunch menu, but didnt tell them up front to, so i just kept suggesting that they look at it, but i guess they didn't get that the lunch menu was cheaper...i know $42 isn't much, but it's alot when you're a broke college student! but i didnt say anything and figured that i would pay for it since they do so much for me, and $42 isnt much....but see when they dropped me off, my grandpa gave me $20, so see, when you bless someone, they'll be a blessing to you....God said "Give and i'll give it back to you" :-)

so i didnt do much...i didnt get to see my friend Richard, but oh well he'll have to wait until christmas break...i didnt get to see my daddy because he has a wierd work schedule, he doesnt have a set time, they call him in 3 hours before he has to be in...which means i didnt get to see my lil sisters, because i wasnt about to go over there and see them if he wasnt there...i get along with my step motherok, but i rather my daddy to be there when i go to see him....i didnt go up to my old high school to see my old teachers, which is something i wanted to do, but i guess i should wait until i actually have a college degree, so i can show them and be like "nah! screw you guys! this h.s sucked!" because it did, but just to show them that i graduated from college...also to bother my lil cousin that's a freshman there now...he said if i go to the high school that i would embarass him...LOL...he was like "see man dont come up here and tell the teachers to look after me, i'll hate you if you do that"...so i told him i would...and he told me that "see that's embarassing like if i go down toy our college and try to talk to your friends" i was laughing when he said that, and he was like "see they'll get pimped by a 14 year old"...i was like "that wouldnt be embarassing, that'll be funny actually"...that lil boy is so funny and like a old man, lil kids crack me up....i got to see my bestfriend, she came by my mama's house....me and my brother got into it :-( he threatened to "kick my ass" i threatened to "cut his throat"...luckily we didnt end up on the 10pm news.....cant we all just get along?!?!?!?

That HAWK came to chicago on wednesday! what ya'll know about that HAWK? it was cold as heck! got dog it, first it was cold and raining, then it was raining slush, then it was snowing outside, wet snow (the worse)...then it started snowing...i think we got about 8 inches of snow...then the next day it rained and it wasnt below 32 degrees anymore,s o all the snow started to melt away....i wasnt ready for it to snow, i was expecting snow during christmas break....but hey, i should be use to chicago's cold as heck weather now, i've been there my whole life...but i guess i got a lil use to the 10-15 degree (warmer) difference between carbondale and chicago....but man that windchill factor aint no joke...

also, on friday night, me, my friend, and my mama went to the chinese store (beauty supply store) cuz my mama was looking for a pony tail....when we walked in, we was looking at the lipstick...why this chinese guy, excuse me asian guy, since i dont know what his nationality was, was staring at us??? then he was like, when my mama was starting to put the lipstick back in it's place, he was like "give me back the lipstick, i have to put it in the right place, don't just put it anywhere"...now i was looking like "what's this dude problem" and my bestfriend was looking the same way, and my mama was looking annoyed...so he told us "it cost $2.99, the lipstick cost $2.99" ....lol, my mama gave him a evil look and was like "Don't bother me, don't talk to me", rolled her eyes and walked away, i dont know if he got scared because my mama is this 6'3" black lady....lol, like we're gonna steal some $2.99 lipstick...thats what me and my friend was saying when we was walking behind my mama, we walked straight to the hair section...i told her we should leave and not even buy anything from the store...but she needed her pony tail for church in the morning :-/ ...i dont know why she just dont let her hair grow out and stop cutting it, she had just as much hair thats in the pony tail 2 years ago...but anyways, she was like "he wouldnt have been telling us that if iw as looking cute", she had on a hat and a coat....usually if her hair is done and she's looking cute, men always try to holla at her, which makes me sick cuz i dont like for men to talk to my mama, that gets on my nerves and they're been doing it forever, even though she's married again now...

i didnt get ANY of my homework i needed to get done over break...i'm in the library now...trying to do some research for this play i wanna type...church was good today, but it was empty since so many people were out of town...that whats happens when you have a church full of college students....3 more weeks left in the semester and i'm done...one more semester to go after this! now i gotta get this work done and figure out what i'ma do for my birthday next saturday....hooray for me! *doing my i'ma be 23 years old this saturday dance*

peace!

posted by Toya @ 2:55 PM 0 comments

Another thing...

....with this Artest thing going on....i was watching some news program on espn 2 yesterday that was talking about how Bill Russell and i guess other black NBA players 30 years ago, and how they were disrepected EVERYDAY with racist slurs and their homes being vandelized and etc. so i remember reading soemwhere either last week or the week before...i cant think when i read it on, probably someone else's blog or maybe on a message board i use (sorry for taking it and using it here), or heck, maybe on BP ...but are black folks now a days too sensitive? if Bill Russell could go threw ALOT worse than they did to Artest, and not loose his cool, then why are these NBA players demanding respect? i just dont know...like i can see why he would go and try to beat whoever's ass who threw the beer at him, but then again he know's he isnt supposed to go into the crowd...but dang, if someone threw something in my face, i would wanna beat their behind too! that's like someone spitting in ya damn face! the whole situation is terrible....but i dont know....if Bill Russell could do it, then why not him? but then again 30-40 years ago was a WHOLE different situation for black folks...heck if Bill Russell wouldve did something back to those white folks, he probably wouldve been hanging from a tree or something or still in jail right now...

posted by Toya @ 4:59 PM 1 comments

So here i am...

...home in Chicago....i had me some Popeyes today(yeaaa! booooo@Carbonhell, i mean Carbondale for not having one! >:-O ) and well i havent done anything yet...i'm supposed to be taking my grandparents to red lobster this afternoon so i should be going to bed like right now since it's 3:24am.....all i need to do is get me some popcorn from Garretts (the best popcorn EVER! cheese and caramel...there's always like a hour wait for it during the holidays) and a gyro or italian beef sandwhich from someplace good, some greasy spoon or mom and pop place....and some white castle! lol, why do i talk about food so much? i dont know...i'm lucky that havent gain that much wait...i remember i came home last Christmas break and i gained like 10lbs over the break...that was over a course of 2 weeks...which was sad...but i always have to hit up the resturants here in Chicago when i come back home...especially Giordanos! The best pizza ever! well the best pizza to me since i havent been to NY yet....and then my mama cooked alot last Christmas and i was eating on greens and macaroni and cheese for days....

What about those Pacers? i can NOT believe what happened!!! i heard about it from my friend thats in Detroit on friday, but i didnt see the game because i dont have cable...but when i got here to Chi, since my mama has it, it's been all over ESPN and FoxSports....that mess is crazy! they need to get all of those fans if they're going to punish the players...but i dont know what to really say about that...it's like you should know that you'll get sued up the ass by folks if you're a NBA player or any millionaire.....my grandpa said "that boy aint right in the head" taling about Ron Artest, when he got me from the Amtrak on sundaynight, lol....i was like "he trying to be like Dennis Rodman, he was like "Dennis Rodman aint that crazy"...but that is SO crazy! ohhh i'm watching espn2 now and now they changed the suspensions all to indefinately! smh, i guess they're going to investigate now.....smh!@that black guy getting in the fight, and his kids off to the side crying, he needs his behind kicked for that! why was he getting into it!? and that white guy that threw the cup int he first place, well he's salty as hell, lol....he messed his self up..caught on TV drinking! now he broke his prohbation, but he probably wont get punished....

speaking of Dennis Rodman, they showed a clip on TV yesterday of when he kicked that camera man in the "balls"....lol...he kicked that man in the leg!! why the heck that man grabbed his testicles?!?! lol, he was no where near them! that was so funny! i also got something else thats funny on tape...when LJ (Larry Johnson) and Alonzo Mourning starting fighting during that playoff game and Jeff Van Gundy was being dragged across the floor, lol! but aight, it's time for me to go to sleep for the 3 hours i can get....when i came in i didnt get any sleep because my mama had me up helping her with her 7 page paper thatw as due monday morning! i tell you, she go back to school for a semester and she's already in the college student mode, lol...waiting until the last minute! but she works full time, so i guess she has a excuse, and she's taking 11 hours...i told her that might be a overload for her, but she's doing it...but yea i got like 1-2 hours of sleep last night, and havent been to sleep since then, so i think i should go, peace! and Happy Thanksgiving!

posted by Toya @ 3:20 AM 0 comments

right now...

...i've got cramps again, ugh....i know thats TMI...i'm about to head on my way to choir rehearsal once this bus comes back around....lets see, we have a musical tomorrow and have to sing about 2-3 songs, then sunday is the pastors anniversary, too bad i'ma miss the 2nd service because my train leaves at 4pm to go to Chicago, and the dinner too :-( ....i have ALOT of work to catch up on over the break, 2 plays to write, four 2-page papers to finish....a whole book on being a stage manager since i didnt really read any of the chapters...my scene-shift exercise for my stage management class...my mama said she isnt cooking :-( but we're invited to go to someone from her job house...but knowing her she'll probably cook something...everytime she says she'll cook a little bit of food she ends up making 2 pans of dressing from scratch (cornbread dressing, not that nasty stove top, lol), a big pan of macaroni (she uses about 4-5 different cheeses, that stuff is so good! but if you eat too much you'll surely be constipated :-X), and she'll probably make like 14 sweet potato pies (she likes to give everyone a pie, i say she should charge them $5-7 a pie)...and a big pot of greens (turkey meat only, no hamhocks or salt-pork!).....this should be a busy break, hopefully i'll get all my work done, but knowing me i never get work done anytime i go home for a break...and then i try to get it done at the end of the semester, trying to hurry up and turn in my papers to my teachers mailboxes, running across campus trying to turn it in before the office where the falcuty's mailboxes are in closes at 4:30pm, lol, that was a very long run-on sentence...i really need to take this grammar machanics class either this spring or in the summer....aight now, i missed my bus! dance it! it's probably outside now since it comes around to this building :44 min after every hour, oh well i'll walk over to the student center sicne it doesnt leave there until :52 after the hour, and it'll get me to the church at 6pm, time for me to go, it's 5:46pm now, gotta run, peace! have a good weekend people!

posted by Toya @ 5:36 PM 1 comments

nevermind...

....i guess i kinda figured it out my self, but i still had to change templates >:-(

posted by Toya @ 8:00 PM 0 comments

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!

how in the heck can i make my profile and all that mess on the side go to the top?!?! i've emailed blogger.com and those fools havent helped me at all! but when i changed templates, my profile would go to the top! ugh i hate this! and i like this one because blue is my favorite color! oh well, i guess by the time folks read this, i wouldve probably changed it by then.....and how do you know where to post stuff in ya template?!?! i wanted to put this blogroll things, i guess for links to put on the side, and i dont know where to put it in at in my template! someone help please thanks! :-) before i loose my mind....well REALLY loose my mind...

posted by Toya @ 7:23 PM 0 comments

here's an example...

.....of one of those spam notes...they dont even send them to me! they're always to someone else!:


Date: Thursday, November 18, 2004 @ 01:33 PM EST
From: pimp_3201910843 Add to Friends List Save to Address Book Block Sender
Subject: whats up?
To: LADYplaya013
CC:
Note:

Sup? Saw your profile and wnated 2 hit ya up. I`m on Bp juss lookin for a laid back down to earth female to holla at. Friends first. If U think U real holla at me on my webpage. www.hookupcentral.net/?jamesp927


sad sad sad...the name in the "To:" section aint even mine! smh!

posted by Toya @ 1:43 PM 0 comments

What's wrong with BP?

BlackPlanet.com, aka BrokePlanet.com....folks on there are RETARDED...i was surprised to get 3 notes today and not one of them being from some automatic spam thing-a-magig, however you spell it.....sending notes talking about "yea i'm a 5'9 guy 160 lbs, a baller, holla at me"...it use to be those spam females sending notes to you, whether you was male or female, and posting their half naked dumb ass pics in ya guestbooks, now they got males sending notes, lol, i wonder if they send those notes to males too.....also whats up witht he dudes that like to leave their number in a note?!?! like i'ma call them or soemthing! heck naw i aint calling you! they better be lucky that i'm not some weird sick pervert that would call them breathing all hard talking about "what you wearing? what type of boxer you got on?" in a raspy voice...sick pervs! but anyways, this guy sent me a note, and i go to his page, and he has on his page about how much of a "freak" he is...i hate that...i really dont care if a guy is a freak cuz i'm still a "german" and i'm not losing my accent anytime soon.....also i'f i wasnt a "german" why would i still care if they're a freak? i'm not just gonna try to get up with every guy on bp talking about they're a freak! they put that ont heir page as if it's gonna help them to get a female...maybe it will, with some of these dumb ass females out here, who knows....

....and then this other guy that sent me a note today...he has a picture of him on his page, holding a bottle of liquor, i dont know...i dont drink, so that's not appealing to me....whyt he heck would he want to present his self like that? also i hate it when the guys have pics on their page of them holding their cell phone...who cares if you gotta cell phone? everyone has one now! well except for my grandma and grandpa, they dont even have callwaiting on their home phone! but anyways, yea, and what about the guys that got a pic of them next to some car? they know good and well they probably took that pic next to someone else's car....it's like who cares? i REALLY hate the pics where guys got money in their hand! i'm not a damn gold digger! and why would they want to attract females that way? i dont get it? i guess for some free coochie or something...

.....i doubt if the females they are attracting are the ones they wanna take home to mama...and since they wanna attract females that way, then that's not the kind of guy i want...i also hate the pics of guys that are smoking something or they are blowing smoke from their mouth (weed is a no-no, and cigarets make ya breath stank! smoking is so gross!)....well i'm done venting about BP now...wait one last thing, wlel a few....

....what about the 13 yr olds and 40 yr old ment hat send me notes? first off i'm not a R. Kelly or a Chester Chester child molestor! and i sure dont want someone thats my mama age! (she's 41)...thats just so gross! ewwww to sugar daddies! and thank goodness for the page log! now i can see hwo's been stalking me! and some of these men be like 30 and 40 something years old....and then some of these guys they repeatedly come to my page!! and UGH at the females that come to my page! them bi and gay girls need to stay away! also the bi and DL men! and ugh!@the folks that save you as a friend that you never talked to a day in ya life!!!! see that's why i take my pics down sometimes, cuz aint no telling what they're doing looking at folks pics...probably jacking off or something (ewww@that thought)....

....what about the silly "hi" notes, or "hey sexy"? i mean write something else besides that! give me something to respond too! say something funny (cuz that gets me everytime, well almost, i always had a crush on the class clown in school)....lol aight, i'm done, i need to run and get me something to eat before i go to work, aight, peace! :-)

also: Congrats to me for writing the fastest play ever! well it was only like 4-5 pages of my final play for class, but everyone loved it! it's about a lady gettign a divorce...and 2 other characters, but i wont give the story on here.....now i just gotta think of 20-25 more pages to put in it to make it a 30 minute play! i'm done, later....

posted by Toya @ 1:40 PM 0 comments

Sometimes i wonder...

....if it's just me or do other people feel like they're just about to loose their mind? i know i said that i wouldnt type any sad and depressing post anymore, but sheesh! i try so hard to fight this depression...it's a mind thing...i dont think medication would help me that much and i don't want to depend on it...or am i even really depressed? i mean i know i feel down sometimes, but does that mean i'm depressed? or am i a functional depressed person? i mean i still go to work and class so it doesnt stop me from doing that.....or do most people have "down days" and is that just something that's normal? i mean what is it? is it the world today or something? something in the food or water? so many people i know now struggle with depression, and it's sad! sickning! before i ever told anyone that i get depressed, i thought that i was the only one...but man alot of folks in the church, when my pastor preached on that, i got up, but i wasnt the only one! i was surprised to see that so many of us (especially the young folks, well it was mostly the college age folks) get depressed! with me however, i've been dealing with it as long as i can remember, even back to like 5th or 6th grade....it might have gotten triggered from having social anxiety i think, and since i had a hard time talking to people and making friends, that lead me to being depressed....and also having a low self esteem...something i've been trying to work on for the longest....like sometimes i feel like i am going to loose my cool, i feel like i'm bi-polar or something (aka manic depressant), i feel good one day, and the next day i feel like crap! i wonder if i'm the only one that feels this way, if i'm not, PLEASE let me know!....but i know at least i'm able to talk about it, which is something i couldn't do before, and it helps me to talk about it, and now i can talk about it sometimes without even crying which is good....i guess like this lady from church told someone last week "when you're able to give your testimony and not worry about what other people say, then you're over it" ...but i thought i was over it, but i'm not sure....i guess i can deal better with it, so it doesnt bother me like it did 4 years ago.....i dont know...maybe me writing about this can help someone else who suffers from anxiety and social anxiety/phobia, or low self esteem, or depression.....well i guess about right now after typing all of this, i feel a bit better, like a burden has been lifted up off of me......but like i said it's a mind thing...and in the class i go to on Saturdays at church for the women, we've been reading this book by Joyce Myers called "Battlefield of the Mind", which is also the name of the class, and it deals with all the things that you can possibly be thinking of or struggling with in your mind (anxiety, depression, worrying, doubt, fear of responsibility, trust, etc.) .....she has a book that has scriptures from the Bible and she backs up her points with them and there is a workbook that goes along with the book...it has been very helpful...it talked about how the enemy (Satan) tries to use every little trick to attack us and take over our mind......so i guess it is true, your mind is a Battlefield, because everything pretty much starts out with the thoughts you have in your mind....and i am in a war with the enemy in my mind....and i'm struggling to win, but i need strength from God to help me to defeat the enemy....lol, ok this was very therapeutic....but hopefully i won't have anything depressing to write about in a while.....i just needed to let that out, because with school, work, church, and extra stuff i have to do with class, this semester has been very stressing....and i think i have senoritus....but this semester is winding down, and next week is Thanksgiving Break, so i have a week to rest and get my self together and ready for Finals week and any final projects i have due before then.....alrighty, it's time for me to walk over to this other building to go to work....i might scare folks away with this depressing ish, but i had to let it out...leave any comment if you have any...tell me what you think, aight, peace :-)

posted by Toya @ 1:32 PM 3 comments

Let's see...

...ok this play is FINALLY over! I got through this play being a dresser, and it was rough! The actors were starting to get on my nerves, but i guess you could say that it was sort of fun. You would think that folks would be able to dress themselves, but they cant fast enough if they only got 1 minute to change.....but i'm glad to get the experience......i found a actor for my directing scene, but i still need a female actor...i'm doing a scene from August Wilson's "Fences", the scene when Troy tells his wife Rose that he's about to be a daddy...to another woman's child! it's a good play.....right now i'm hungry and bored, and wasting time chatting.....i should be starting on this play for my short playwriting class....it only has to be 7-10 minutes, but it is 7-10 minutes from our final play thats due after thanksgiving break! our final play has to be 20-30 minutes long....wish me luck that i do good on it! I'm still trying to figure out what i'm going to do after i graduate....i guess not filling out a grad school application yet isn't helping....but i was thinking that if i do try to stick with theater and forget the creative writing, or do both, it could work....i could get a job being a dresser....i didnt know that, and the grad student who designed the costumes on the show i just worked on said that she was a dresser for a while and it pays good.....too bad we didnt get paid since it's for class credit...so i figure that i should do a Stage Manager job again, but being the head one and not the assistant....and be a lightboard operator before i graduate this may...just some things to get on my resume......time to go, til next time....

posted by Toya @ 6:02 PM 1 comments

i dont have...

...time to really type anything...i gotta be at the call time for this play in 3 minutes...so i have to run upstairs...this has been a busy week being a dresser.....will write later!

posted by Toya @ 5:11 PM 2 comments

I Guess...

....Bush won...He's out president AGAIN...oh well....i prayed before i vote, so hopefully things will get better......Barack Obama For President in 08'!!!, the FIRST Black President in 2008!

posted by Toya @ 1:17 PM 1 comments

2004 Election

this is what i posted on a message board i am a member of:

http://daview.proboards22.com/index.cgi?board=general&action=display&num=1099370930&start=0



ok....i haven't watched tv in about 3 months, so i havent had a chance to see any of the presidential debate......but i've been trying to research some stuff on the net.....who do you all feel is the lesser of the 2 evils? also, do you think it's right for folks to vote straight republican or democrat? Folks do that without looking at issues.....people automatically think that Republicans are for the rich and Democrats are for the poor.....when if you think about it are demacrats really trying to help out poor people? or should you just vote democrat to pick the lesser of 2 evils? Bush is cutting jobs and school money, and has us in this war.....Kerry doesnt see anything wrong with gay marriages and says that people are born gay........i have found that i'm having a hard time to choose a person to vote for, since sunday.....Bush is a idiot, but i dont agree with gay marriages, but that doesnt mean that i should go with Bush just because he's against gay marriages, but then again, i am against gay marriage and i feel that homosexuality is a sin....wouldnt Bush's or Kerry's beliefs affect how they would run the country? but also keeping Bush in office for another four years and there's no telling where the heck this country would be...and i may not have money for school! what the heck has Bush done in his 4 years in office? also we may all vote for kerry and that mofo might cheat again and be in office for another 4 years....i guess i just really have to pray on this tonight....Maybe i should waste my vote on that libertarian dude, or Ralph Nader....what do ya'll think about this, if i'm making any sense....

posted by Toya @ 11:01 PM 0 comments