What's going on????
ok...look at the post below if you're from chicago or that area, well even if you're not........also WTF is wrong with blogger? people's blogs are disappearing and stuff....hopefully i'm not next....ok...i got home to Chicago on Thursday...my mama's b-day was Saturday....Sunday we didnt go to church....so me and her friend and her went to Bally's to go work out...after leaving Bally's i was hungry, so we stopped at Wendy's to get me, my brother, and stop father something to eat....then we stopped at the curency exchange to get quaters to wash clothes...iw as supposed to stay out witht hem because my mama was going to take her God daughter's older sister shopping...so they had to go back into the city on the westside...my mama lives in hillside...well ok...since there wasnt going to be any room in the car because my God sister's boyfriend and his lil son was going to be int he car, i decided to get out...i went up stairs to give my bro and step dad their food...about 15-20 min later we got a call, and my step father gave me the phone, because he doesnt speak english too well....
...on the phone was my mama's friend calling from my mama's cell phone, she was crying...all that i could make out as to what she was saying was "your mama, the car is on fire"...i was like WHAT? i instantly started to freak out....i asked her to repeat her self, and she said the car caught fire....so i instantly thought she meant my mama was still in the car when it caught fire and burnt up with it, especially since she was calling us from my mama's cell phone and not my mama....i felt so sick..i thought i lost my mother....i kind of froze up....then i kept asking her again, then she said theyg ot out...so i felt a lil better, but id idnt because i was thinkin that she was saying they both were in the car and it went up in flames and they got burned, because my mama's friend was crying so hard...so i kept asking questions, and i was telling ym step father and brother to let's go to where they are at....
...so she told us that they got out ok and that the car just went up in flames...so ok, they're ok, but i sure did freak out...i need to learn to remain calm...so they said they got off the E-Way at Central....we got there and they were there....a fire truck was leaving...there was a police car and 2 officers...my mama and her friend were standing....and there was the car...burt up...nothing in the inside.....i was like OMG...all i could do was thank God...i just walked back and forward, shouted Hallelujah....and i just kept saying thank you God, Thank you Jesus...my brother told me to calm down again...but i was, i wasnt upset anymore, i was just thanking God that my mama and her friend were ok....the whole inside of the car was gone....i just couldnt believe it....
...so they told us what happened....my mama's friend was sitting on the passenger side...and as they were getting off of Central, her friend said "the car is smoking"...she said that there was smoking coming from under her seat....neither one of them smoke...so it was like dang...it must have been electrical.....so my mama said that she stopped and parked the car immediately....she said that maybe a few minutes before it sounded like the car double locked...so when my mama was getting out, her friend tried to get out the car, but couldnt...she told my mama her door was stuck....when she told me that, that sounded like some "Final Destination" type shit.....so my mama told her to come out the drivers side...my mama said that when the got out, she hurried back to turn off the car and get her keys out, and grab her purse...she said as soon as she close the door, the car went up in flames...they ran across the street...they were under a viaduct... because it was right off the express way, and they ran across the street...and the car had a mini explosion....my mama said that they were both crying so hard, especially her, so thats the reason her friend called instead...i couldn't believe it...i took some pics of it, though they didnt come out so clear....
I just thank God for keeping my mama safe..because i was thinking in my head "OMG her birthday was just yesterday and now she's dead!"...thats what i thought when her friend first called...THANK YOU JESUS for them getting out ok...and her friend couldnt get out the passenger seat...my mama said all the doors locked up except for the drivers side....that is so weird....man....and that was just in like one minute that all of that happened....if they took any longer....God had his hand in that....then i started to think "Well what if i stayed int he car with them?" ...knowing me, always being nervous, i probably wouldve freaked out....and might've slowed them down, or been the last one to get out as the car was going up on flames, ohhhhh *shudders*...Thank you Jesus! i don't need to think like that...but my mama said it wasnt meant for me to be in there...and i was sitting right behind the passenger's seat.....Lord Jesus...but thank God that they're ok...
...ok with all of that excitement....my aunt, my mama's youngest sister, she's 9 years older than me, and her son, who's 16 (she had him at 16, she's 33 now), got into a fight...YES a fight! WTF??? a mother and son fighting!! when i say fight, i mean they were fighting like first fighting....my aunt said that her whole living room was messed up...stuff broken...i was like WTF? not my Patrick! (my lil cousin's)....after my mama got off the phone with her, she told me what happened......ok...the other day my aunt went out to party or something i guess....and her son asked "where you at Bitch?" so she was like "Excuse me?" and he said it again....so she called the house, because i guess she wasnt in, and asked him why he was still int eh house, because he had to go to school...he said "i am going to school bitch!"...ok WTF??? i was like ok...how dare you cuss out your mama!.....so when she got home...she was waiting on him to come in...when he came in, she asked him what did he say on the phone....and he was like "yes i called you a bitch, you whore, you out everynight partying"...ok WTF?
so my aunt went to whoop his ass, but he hit her back, and they started fighting, like for real....and then he kicked the front door in or something...and her daughter, my other lil cousin thats 13, told her "mom please stop, dont hurt him"...so she stopped and he ran out the house...she called the cops on him...i think they said something about they cant keep him because he's a minor, or something...but she told them not to bring him back to her house when they find them, because she'll kill him....so it was like RIGHT aftert hat happened when she called my mama.....i just couldnt believe that! not my Patrick! my mama couldn't believe that!....and she sometimes treated patrick like that was her favorite too, he's her older, she had a 15 yr old son, and a 13 going on 14 yr old daughter...patrick will be 17 in July....i just couldnt believe that at all....and i told my mama that that was nothing but pent up anger....and my mama was like "See i tell people you have to be careful about how you live your life in front of you kids"....
...see my aunt use to party alot...she had him young, at 16....and got 2 other kids but different fathers....even tho she wasnt the best mother when they were growing up, abnd cared more about material things (she use to buy them alot of name bran stuff, Jordans, Guess, Sean John, whatever else...) that we thought she shouldnt have bought since they're gonna grow out of it anyways and it was a waste of money.....she didnt have a father figure...she had a boyfriend when they were younger...but she turned to a homosexual lifestyle, so she had a girlfriend for the last, i think 9 years...she came out when i was in 8th grade....but they just broke up...so i guess she has women coming ina nd out of her house....and her son see's this...i remember one time i called and asked them where she was at...he was like she was out partying....she cleaned up her act a little bit, and become more of a house mom...but she still had the occassional party here and there...i dont think she partied everyweek....but to her kids, it mightve been...so he was probably mad at that...and she wasnt in the house this past weekend...and he blew his lid...that doesnt give him no right to...but he did....but he's wrong for that! no matter what, you NEVER disrespect your mother like that...i told my friend about that yesterday and was like "my mama wouldve killed me"...he was like "That's because you respect your mother, obviously your lil cousin doesnt respect his"...it's so sad...so now he's out in the street...i think he went to my other cousin's girlfriend house...my mama said she talked ot her today....he came by and asked his mom if he could get his jacket, and she told him no....i can't believe it thought...that's where you cross the line...he alreadyed crossed it at cursing at her....then he fought her? SMH! i am SO diappointed in him....so sad...he's only 16...his mama kicked him out, now he has to grow up for real....she said she doesnt want to have nothing to do to him...i know she wasnt expecting that, and were weren't either....cars blowing up, and children fighting their mothers...WTF is going on????
You know you from Chicago When....
....i know i posted something before like this, but this is the ghetto version of "you know you're from Chicago when..." ....i seen it on a few people's BP pages today...i think i had the none ghetto version on my page.....*Note* Some of this doesnt apply to me, because i guess i'm not that ghetto...and i grew up on the northside....hey don't hate on the Northside! :-) You know you're from Chicago if....YOU USE TO OWN A TWEETY BIRD TOWEL JACKET
(why dont i remember this?)IF YOU HAVE EVER SAID "JOE" MORE THEN ONE TIME IN A CONVERSATION
FOR THA SOUTHSIDERS IF YOU EVER SAID CHARLIE LIKE 80 TIMES
IF YOU GO THE THE LOCAL RESTAURANT AND ORDER 6 WINGS WITH EXTRA "MILD" SAUCE ON THE FRIES AND A POP(HAROLD`S CHICKEN #456, J&J FISH, UNCLE REMUS)
IF YOU KNOW WHO MARQUITA AND POOKIE ARE OFF THE "AWAKENINGS
(mannn i use to beg my mama to stay up and watch this on Channel 38! the local Christian Station in Chicago!) LMAO i just found a website for it too! LMAO smh@me googling ish... http://www.awakening.com/index.html man, this show was something serious to Chicago folks...i think it was a good show that showed how life was...but it was bootleg..i wonder if i watch it now as i'm older, what i'd think of it...i'm mad theyg ot DVD's for the show though....
IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL, THE SPOTS WERE "CLUB IN THE MIX"(WESTSIDE) AND "THE ROUTE"(SOUTHSIDE)
(the hell is this??? i never went anywhere when i was young...)IF YOU OR SOMEONE THAT YOU KNOW HAS EVER SAID "ON LARRY HOOVER" OR "ON KING NEIL"
(aren't they the Folks and Stone or Latin King leaders? smh!@people saying that then.....)IF YOU CAN`T WAIT TO GET BACK HOME FOR CHRISTMAS BREAK TO GO TO HOMERUN INN
(For me it's Giordanos....Home Run Inn pizza is aight, i mean it's good as heck, but i LOVE Giordanos pizza!)LADIES IF YOU EVER HAD A FEATHERED OVERLAY
(I always had my hair braided..)ON A SATURDAY NIGHT YOU KICKED IT AT THE ROCK AND ROLL MCDONALDS PARKING LOT DOWNTOWN
(i've never done this)IF YOU WORE A GARTER TO PROM!
(That's some country ghetto ish!)D. J. Chip is your DJ at Southside parties
(i never went to parties...)You know what Sweetest Day is
(Shouldnt everyone know this?!? It's really not a Chicago Thing...it's a Hallmark Holiday....)HEY A A A is used when you and yo crew is too hype at a party
(i wouldn't even know this, i didnt have friends growing up...)You know what the word "juke" mean
(lemme see ya juke....)You know that chicago only has 2 seasons, winter and summer
(heck yea it does!)When you don't have nothing to do on a saturday night in the summer time u go down to the Lake front
(i lived right down the street from the beach...we was there all the time...up in Loyola Park...yea Northside! LOL...)You don't get hyped when u see Twista cuz he always around ( i saw him at jaguar's)
(i've never seen Twista in person, though my cousin have, and Da Brat, and Crucial Conflict and Do or Die...she grew up out west whent hey were all big, lol, cuz she graduated high school in 93')You use to love that song by 3piece (even tho' they only came out with 1 song and the remix to it )
(ya'll know that song! "Ohh, Ahh", came out back in 2003 i believe...only Chicago folks...)You go to the skating rink, not to skate but to juke(dance)
(i've only been to the skating rink a few times, and it was always to the Rainbo since it was up North...i STILL don't know how to skate, but i loveeeeeeeeeeeeed to see the guys dance on their skates!)You know at least 1 person R.kelly done tried to holla at or u know a friend of a friend who r.kelly tried to get with
(See i tell people that's not from Chicago this all the time...what R. Kelly is doing now aint knew! Aaliyah wasnt the first...i've heard from other folks about him messing with girls, still going up to his old H.S...that perv! see i know a friend of a friend...) Foot-workin'
(i LOVE to watch footwork...but i can't footwork..i'm too clumsy....)When the Bulls use to run it, and we'd win a championship, you'd ride all ova (stoney island or down town) blowin ya horn yellin' "Go Bulls".
(see i would see people do that, but wouldnt do it, lol...i remember my cousin and them out west going ont heir porch acting all stupid back in 93' whent he Bulls won, smh...) When everybody meet you that's not from the Chi, they say you sound "country."
(I hate when people say this...i do NOT sound like people from TN or AR....well then again maybe a lil bit, but i dont have a long drawn out country accent...but then again, my grandma and grandpa is from Eudora, AR...where is that at? EXACTLY! But alot of black folks from Chicago parent's and grandparents are form the South...) On saturday nights you kick it on stoney island all down 79th. In Goldblats parkinlot!
(ok...why would you wanna hang out in the Goldblats parking alot? Goldblts don't even exist anymore, lol....Again, that must be a southside thing...)You go to the car club picnics
(i remember my mama use to go to a motorcycle club called the Dragon....she use to take me and my brother with her whent hey had stuff for kids, lol, that was back in like 88'...)You say Caa and not Car
(lol, i remember Chevonne mentioned this on her blog...)You used to go to parties at the "Prep" back in like 98-99 and they used to be jukin'!
(Again, i grew up on the Northside....) You know somebody that DJ Chip used to mess with!!!
(Why the heck was DJ Chip a celebrity? again...that must be a South and Westside [i lived out West the first 8 years of my life, well 2 of those years out South] thing....ok now i can understand if Mike Love and The Diz was....lol...or Crazy Howard McGhee or Rick Party....) Remember Baller Click, Dynasty, and all them other clicks
(The hell is this?)You used to go to the Dolton Expo!
(don't know what this is! i guess i'm not ghetto enough, ha ha ha....)You ever belonged to a "party crew" i.e. Crucial Clique, 3993, Precious, Dirty Clique, Gambinos, Disco Ballerz
(This sounds really lame...this sounds like what some people in my class like in 6th, 7th, and 8th grade would be in...talking about clique this and that...smh...see i was a loner...i had no friends...)You only go to a particular Harold's cause thats your spot (87th Dan Ryan)
(man i've only had Harolds once in my life...i grew up on the northside...and 6 years of my life out West...now out west they got Wallace Fish and Coleman ribs...i know about that now!) On the weekends you go to "da show"
(Thats jsut cuz people from Chicago say "da" instead of "the"...thats all...)You wear "gym shoes"
(Heck yea i wear Gym Shoes! i dont wear "Sneakers" or "Tennis Shoes")If you were to visit U of I or NIU right now it would a be grammar school/ high school reunion.
(i dont know what this is...i guess i was sheltered as a child...not, my mama let me do stuff, but i decided to stay in the house...too many crazy folks in Chicago...)You went to "grammar school" not elementary school.
(people laugh at me when i say Grammar School...) You know what Burr Oak, Marina City, Miami, Skyway are, and you've kicked it there more than once.
(Well i guess i'mn ot from Chicago then cuz i dont know what this is....) You know how to "step" only because your momma taught you.
(And my mama still has yet ot teach me how to step...thats cuz i never really danced...but i love to watch her and my aunts Step...i'm gonna learn one day before i get old...so that when i'm old i can go to the steppers set! and i use to watch Stepping at Club 7 too when i was little, lol....) You could care less if R. Kelly is guilty or not because he repping "the crib" real hard.
(I actually do care...R Kelly can NOT rep Chicago anymore...that damn PERV!) You've ever referred to something as "cold" or "raw" Example: Joe, you heard that new R. Kelly cut?....Its raw as eva!
You hum to tune to "bang bang bang skeet skeet skeet"
(LMAOOOO....i use to be hummin all those mix tape songs in my head....) You would sing "Gel and Weave" to anyone who you suspected had weavein their hair
(Bald head scally wag, ya hair can't touch ya back, gell it, weave it, you really need it...) You drive to Indiana to get gas
(some folks get cigaretts)Your favorite events of the summer are the Taste (only on July 3) and the Bud Billiken Parade
(i have GOT to be the ONLY black person in Chicago that never been to the Bud Billiken Parade...i only watched it on WGN Ch. 9...i use to like to watch the people footwork, lol....see thats cuz i dont get along with the soutside...i had bad experiences out there the 2 years i lived out there...51st and king drive?!?! that neighborhood was bad as hell!) IF YOU EVER JAPPED (WESTSIDE) (the heck is Japped? did i miss this one? Wait, actually i think i have heard this before...)
People STILL skate. I was at Olympic skatin' rink last week and people still come out in groups with spray painted t-shirts showing off. (LOL@this...)
Rainbow use to be the spot (thats the only rink i ever been to...and they finally closed it a few years ago...my aunt use to always go there and i went there a few times with her...)
IF YOU THOUGHT R.KELLY AND CRUCIAL CONFLICT SHOULD HAVE MADE A VIDEO FOR GHETTO QUEEN (i remember this song, and NO they shouldn't have done a video, lol...)
IF YOU EVER TREATED SOMEBODY (Treated? whats that? i've never been "hip" to alot of slang....)
If you ever used to say salty, lame, on my momma, hecky naw, raw, treated, or remember crucial conflict (I use to and i still do say "salty", "lame", "hecky naw", and i say bogus too...i've notice that alot of Chicago people say "Bogus")
ok i added to this list as you can see....lol...all ya'll chicago folks what ya'll think? if you not from Chicago, you probably think this is silly....
i got one for ya...and only the Westside folks might remember this....Remember Buddy Bears?!? there use to be on over on Cicero (my old neighborhood out west, Lamon, and Maypole!)....i think it was by Cicero and Lake...i think the side street it was on was probably West End...i'm not sure.... lol, also, people form Chicago also gotta say the intersection of a street to describe where they're from, when people from other cities will give you their adress...i had someone not from Chicago at my church down here at school ask me why people from Chicago do that...heck i dont know...we just do! ALSO if you use to listen to 107.5 WGCI you remember that "It's all about the Bad Boyz" song that had alot of those Chicago Rappers on it (Common, Twista, Do or Die, Crucial Conflict, and some other folks), that song used the "It's all about the Bejamin's" beat....LOL....
More drama...
...maybe i'm creating it my self...i dont know...maybe i'm over reacting, or being too needy for friendship....heck who knows....the final is over...it went well...hopefull i'll pull a B if not an S off in that class...i'm sitting here now trying to pull together 40-50 more pages of my final play thats due at 4pm today...it's 10:50am now...i have 22 pages already...which i've had for 2 weeks...why am i such a procrastinator??? but it seems i write better and the ideas flow better under pressure...i have a 6-8 page paper to type tonight and my make-up final for Stage make up class and i'm done...also...did you know that you swallow up to and have 2 litters of mucous in your stomach every day? that amount doubles when you have a cold!!! ewwww, gross! thats what the doctor told me when i went to health services the other day....yesterday i babysit this girl's child so she could take her final, it wasnt that bad....
now back to this....this IM...i talked to my friend earlier this morning...just to tell her about this dream i had, which was weird...about this guy from high school that i havent talked to in like 4 years...he got arrested with a few other people we went to school with...maybe i'm being super sensitive...and needy...and maybe i'm looking into things too much and over analyzing...maybe i'm just not listening to my self and sounding like an idiot...maybe i do have a problem with my friend because i feel like she isnt there sometimes...maybe i'm too needy for a friendship...maybe i have a problem with her and when i talk to her, instead of telling her that, i get attitudes...maybe just because you've known someone since 5th grade doesnt mean you'll be friends forever...maybe people grow apart.....thats scary to me because i dont have many friends to begin with....maybe you dont know people as well as you think you do.....hey, who knows...but heres the IM...what do ya'll think? maybe i'm being selfish, maybe i'm being a bad friend and not understanding....just want everything on my time and not worried about other people time...but what is taking 5 minutes out your day to call and say "hello i'm just checking up on you"....maybe i do just need to shut up and listen...because i wont stop talking until i say what i got to say...not that i have to have the last word....but i got to finish off all my thoughts before i shut up, and the other person can have the last word...maybe i was being a jack ass, i probably was...i need to learn to just shut up sometimes.....
LANESE1281 (1:07:47 AM): why did i have a dream about Jihad?LANESE1281 (1:07:51 AM): not a sex dreamLANESE1281 (1:07:54 AM): just a dreamlovehater**** (1:07:57 AM): lolLANESE1281 (1:08:04 AM): but i was wondering why the hell i had a dream about him? LANESE1281 (1:08:42 AM): like it was like we was still in h.s but we was grown well at least i was grown, but he looked real young like he was still in h.s LANESE1281 (1:08:59 AM): and he it was like ghe was saying he's doing ok and Got his life back together lovehater**** (1:09:00 AM): he still looks like thatLANESE1281 (1:09:02 AM): but that's weirdLANESE1281 (1:09:06 AM): LOL well yeaLANESE1281 (1:10:14 AM): but that type of dream is usually the type you have about loved ones or people you really care about you know? LANESE1281 (1:10:30 AM): likr them telling you that they're ok int he dream, or you seeing that things will be okLANESE1281 (1:10:47 AM): i wasnt all that cool with Jihad, but i was disappointed when he went to jail LANESE1281 (1:10:53 AM): maybe he got his life togetherlovehater**** (1:11:01 AM): i doubt itLANESE1281 (1:11:04 AM): lol why did i dream about him? weirdLANESE1281 (1:11:09 AM): hey dreams telly ou things LANESE1281 (1:11:13 AM): i hate to dream thoLANESE1281 (1:11:19 AM): you sure do doubt alot of stufflovehater**** (1:11:23 AM): u do it everydayLANESE1281 (1:11:24 AM): you need to stop doubtinglovehater**** (1:11:29 AM): u may not remember them LANESE1281 (1:11:33 AM): i dont dreamlovehater**** (1:11:35 AM): im a realistlovehater**** (1:11:39 AM): im not doubtinglovehater**** (1:11:44 AM): i seen and spoke with himlovehater**** (1:11:57 AM): and a change like that wont happen in a few months LANESE1281 (1:12:04 AM): i ask and pray to God to not have any more dreams, especially since i had that awful dream back in 7th gr, and i havent, well i havent remembered themLANESE1281 (1:12:07 AM): you dont know that lovehater**** (1:12:10 AM): i knew jihad when we were lil
LANESE1281 (1:12:12 AM): God can change anybodyLANESE1281 (1:12:22 AM): just cuz you knew him when you were lil means nothinglovehater**** (1:12:23 AM): only if the want to be at that time LANESE1281 (1:12:44 AM): you said the same thing about Charllotte like you was so surprised she was in school as if she wasnt supposed to belovehater**** (1:12:45 AM): i have seen him recently trust me i know more to it than u LANESE1281 (1:13:03 AM): like she wasnt good enough to and that she wouldnt make it...why was you so shocked by that?lovehater**** (1:13:16 AM): whalovehater**** (1:13:31 AM): ive seen charlotte i wasnt schoked welovehater**** (1:13:38 AM): spoke and my opinion hast changedLANESE1281 (1:14:01 AM): you said the same thing about Victoria sails, whatever her name was...when i said soemthing about i wonder what she was doing but you made it sound like she probably pregnant with kids...i known her since 3rd gr tho LANESE1281 (1:14:07 AM): hasnt or has changed?lovehater**** (1:14:15 AM): has notlovehater**** (1:14:20 AM): sorry if i dont think that waylovehater**** (1:14:25 AM): u should know that by nowLANESE1281 (1:14:35 AM): just saying sometimes you sound bougie (sp) LANESE1281 (1:14:45 AM): like you have your nose in the airlovehater**** (1:14:52 AM): sometimes i can admit i amlovehater**** (1:14:55 AM): no its notLANESE1281 (1:14:57 AM): as if people can't changelovehater**** (1:15:08 AM): once again u said those words i didntLANESE1281 (1:15:12 AM): or like they'd never amount to nothinglovehater**** (1:15:24 AM): i believe everyone is capable but only if they want itlovehater**** (1:15:34 AM): those are ur words not minelovehater**** (1:15:40 AM): and never have been mineLANESE1281 (1:15:43 AM): how are you to know that Jihad doesnt want a change?LANESE1281 (1:15:50 AM): i swear that dream kinda tripped me out lovehater**** (1:15:59 AM): not if he still on the streets sellin drugs
lovehater****(1:16:08 AM): but like i said i know more to that than ulovehater**** (1:16:13 AM): so i will leave it at thatLANESE1281 (1:16:30 AM): who's to say he hasnt had a change inh is life starting today and today is the new day of the rest of his life? LANESE1281 (1:16:43 AM): you know more about life? or just Jihadlovehater**** (1:16:52 AM): honestly let me pose a real question to uLANESE1281 (1:16:59 AM): i mean it's not just about Jihad i'm jsut saying people can Change lovehater**** (1:17:03 AM): u wanted to change being so shy did u notLANESE1281 (1:17:13 AM): yes and?lovehater**** (1:17:19 AM): did it happen in one dayLANESE1281 (1:17:30 AM): did i say that it would happen to Jihad in one day?lovehater**** (1:17:40 AM): thats not what i asked uLANESE1281 (1:17:47 AM): i said i had a dream that he said he's ok, that he's getting his life togetherlovehater**** (1:17:59 AM): okLANESE1281 (1:18:13 AM): not saying he's changed this minute, but he could be ont he verge of doing that and you havent seen him in a couple months, it's possible that he isnt ont he streetslovehater**** (1:18:30 AM): i have seen him LANESE1281 (1:18:33 AM): but no, some people it's a shorter process to get out f their shyness or anythinglovehater**** (1:18:36 AM): thats what i have been sayonLANESE1281 (1:18:37 AM): for me it took a whileLANESE1281 (1:18:41 AM): for depression it took a whileLANESE1281 (1:18:45 AM): for my cousin it took monthslovehater**** (1:18:51 AM): but ur so quick to say im bougeouis LANESE1281 (1:18:55 AM): for my mama to stop smoking cigarrets it took weeks
LANESE1281 (1:19:01 AM): for my grandma, it took a day
lovehater**** (1:19:03 AM): u didnt bother to read what i typedLANESE1281 (1:19:09 AM): and that was it to stop 30 years of smoking
lovehater**** (1:19:35 AM): like i said im a realist i dont believe anything till i c it and that applies to myself as wellLANESE1281 (1:19:45 AM): you do act bougeouis, as soon as i say something about change, i mean i was trying to be positive, you say you're a realist and put a damper on it
LANESE1281 (1:19:57 AM): and pretty much saying that they'll never amount to nothinglovehater**** (1:20:05 AM): i just stated my opinion keyword my opinionLANESE1281 (1:20:14 AM): i mean if they dont that's them i gotta live my life buti like to have hope for other people that they're doing well that's all
lovehater****(1:20:16 AM): dont [put wrds in my mouthlovehater**** (1:20:22 AM): if i didnt say it dont assumeLANESE1281 (1:20:27 AM): even if it has nothing to do with me, ilike to know that people are doing fine
lovehater**** (1:20:48 AM): ok u stated something and i said my personal opinionLANESE1281 (1:20:54 AM): ok
LANESE1281 (1:20:58 AM): but why make it negative?lovehater**** (1:21:01 AM): so why are u my friend if u feel im so negative?LANESE1281 (1:21:39 AM): i'm around negative people all the time, and i my self am negative at times, but those people aren't negative all the time, and i'm not my self, i try not to be
LANESE1281 (1:21:55 AM): lol@that question, is that a way for you to break our friendship or something?
lovehater**** (1:21:59 AM): so u feel im a negative person?lovehater**** (1:22:04 AM): noLANESE1281 (1:22:05 AM): why would you even ask a silly question like that?
lovehater****(1:22:14 AM): but u sit and say im negative and stuck upLANESE1281 (1:22:27 AM): people usually ask questions like that when they want to end something that's why i ask
LANESE1281 (1:22:37 AM): you said you was stuck up ya self
LANESE1281 (1:22:51 AM): i said you made that negative i didnt say you was negative all the timelovehater**** (1:23:02 AM): ok drop itLANESE1281 (1:23:12 AM): :-LANESE1281 (1:23:19 AM): you getting ya self upset
LANESE1281 (1:23:32 AM): all i said was that i had a dream about Jihad and that it was weird
LANESE1281 (1:24:27 AM): go to www.barnesandnoble.com and look up "heaven sent" by MonTre` Bible
LANESE1281 (1:26:35 AM): guess you not talking anymore
LANESE1281 (1:26:37 AM): *sighs*
LANESE1281 (1:26:38 AM): ok
lovehater**** (1:28:10 AM): im on the phoneLANESE1281 (1:30:03 AM): with who?
lovehater**** (1:30:22 AM): felicia LANESE1281 (1:30:41 AM): let me ask you a question then, if you're my friend, why dont you call?
LANESE1281 (1:30:56 AM): especially when i need someone to talk to when i am down?
lovehater**** (1:31:21 AM): phone works both ways LANESE1281 (1:31:33 AM): i do call you
LANESE1281 (1:31:39 AM): i feel that i cally ou the most
LANESE1281 (1:31:50 AM): during that whoe ordeal with your father i called
LANESE1281 (1:31:58 AM): you didnt callt o tell me you was back or ok
LANESE1281 (1:32:05 AM): after that you jsut seemed to stoplovehater**** (1:32:28 AM): i call u later tonite to explain my case cause im not typing itLANESE1281 (1:32:30 AM): i hate to feel like i call someone all the time, because i start to think that i'm getting on their nerves and thats why they dont call back
lovehater**** (1:32:56 AM): its been times i call u and u dont call me back for dayslovehater**** (1:33:00 AM): as wellLANESE1281 (1:33:07 AM): and if they leave messages that seem like they just leaving it to leave it and that they really not interested in how i'm doing i be like "Well should i call bacl" cuz they dont sound like they want to be bothered by their otne
LANESE1281 (1:33:09 AM): tone*
lovehater**** (1:33:29 AM): once again u made that assumptionLANESE1281 (1:33:32 AM): i dont call back for days because i've always beent he one calling
LANESE1281 (1:33:38 AM): it seems since high school
LANESE1281 (1:33:56 AM): now i know you probably couldnt call cuz of your step father but i figure even now that he's gone you would
LANESE1281 (1:34:13 AM): i return calls, i call everyone, my family, people at church, you
LANESE1281 (1:34:33 AM): but i always feel like i'm always calling people when dont really give a fuck about me or how i'm doing
LANESE1281 (1:34:41 AM): and if i do call they're quick to get off
LANESE1281 (1:34:47 AM): make you feel kind of un wanted
lovehater**** (1:34:50 AM): but thtas honestly an internal issueLANESE1281 (1:35:08 AM): no thats a issue of no one calling to check on me
lovehater**** (1:35:19 AM): i wouldnt bother callin when i do if i didnt want to talk to peopleLANESE1281 (1:35:38 AM): uh?
lovehater**** (1:35:47 AM): well its open forum tell me what other issues u have with meLANESE1281 (1:36:06 AM): i've told you other before when you was down here, so that's done
lovehater**** (1:36:12 AM): honestlylovehater**** (1:36:19 AM): no cause this is new to meLANESE1281 (1:36:32 AM): about not feeling like i had you who's supposed to be my best friend to have a shoulder to cry on when i had my depression
LANESE1281 (1:36:36 AM): i told you that then
LANESE1281 (1:37:21 AM): i felt like i had no body, not even you, cuz you wasnt really compassionate or like "it's going to be ok" i know i have to suck it up...but thats not what someone wants to hear when they are depressed
LANESE1281 (1:37:44 AM): you want someone to comfort you and say it's ok,a nd that helps the best, but i got that from people i barely knewlovehater**** (1:38:02 AM): because especially u knwing what i went thru at hme with him on a personal levelLANESE1281 (1:38:38 AM): uh?
lovehater**** (1:38:50 AM): i feel and still feel like depression is just a way to feel sorry for urself, and i never wanted that for myselflovehater**** (1:39:11 AM): ill call u tommrowlovehater**** (1:39:16 AM): and we can talk LANESE1281 (1:39:19 AM): i knew nothing about what you went through at home...all i knew is that your parents were strict...you never even told me all that other stuff, and after you finally told me i wondered why you kept that in so long, because i wouldve never wanted you to handel that by your selfLANESE1281 (1:39:33 AM): and i felt so bad and hurt for you after you told me that
lovehater**** (1:39:45 AM): but thats what i didnt wantlovehater**** (1:40:06 AM): i didnt feel that way for myself so why would i burden someone elseLANESE1281 (1:40:39 AM): it's a way of feeling sorry, but you think you aren't depressed or never been? please, there's people that go thru walking depression, they dont have to be all down and out and stuck in a room like me....they can be like my mama...smiling in folks faces like nothing is wrong, but hurting inside
lovehater**** (1:39:45 AM): but thats what i didnt wantlovehater****(1:40:06 AM): i didnt feel that way for myself so why would i burden someone elseLANESE1281 (1:40:39 AM): it's a way of feeling sorry, but you think you aren't depressed or never been? please, there's people that go thru walking depression, they dont have to be all down and out and stuck in a room like me....they can be like my mama...smiling in folks faces like nothing is wrong, but hurting inside LANESE1281 (1:41:09 AM): but to let that go and to make your burdern lighter wouldnt helped
LANESE1281 (1:41:48 AM): goodnightmaybe i do have internal issues...um, i already know i'm messed up...LOL, not like i need someone to tell me that...that's why i have been to counseling...thats another thing, i hate it when people tell me stuff that i already know....
Craziness
i dont know what's going on with me or whats wrong with me....today in class, i got into it with my professor...i know i was wrong, and as a Christian i was especially wrong, but he is such a jack ass! OMG he just pretty much called all of us undergrads stupid in a "pretty" way....he just belittled us in class...just to us, not the grad students...acusing us of not having our group performance, that he ONLY gave us a week to do, together....and we have to do it on a sunday! he came in class and snapped on us, so some of us, well some people left, but i know i snapped back...then tears started to come..he gonna say "dont expect me to say (whatever he was blabing about) to make you feel good"...i was mad because he assuemd we weren't working...when you give a group of 6 people who all have different schedules a performance to put on a sunday, and half of these people have other performances themselves for other classes...then you're going to have a problem...2 of our people are going out of town this weekend and wont be back until the day we perform...it was a mess...one girl went to talk to him already becausee she said she needed to get it off her chest, and that as a Christian she was wrong because she knew she already had a problem with him before and didnt go to him a tell him...maybe thats what i need to do before i really snap off...i was cursing, and i dont even curse....well not at the teacher, after we all left class and was venting in the green room...someone said "you know Toya is pissed because she dont even curse"...and i was...and i was hurt...he's the only black falculty in the dept...and not saying he has to give us special attention (the ones in ouir class thats black), but dont try to make us seem like we're stupid...that hurt, it really did....that makes him no different then the white falculty that might act that way here, or any other teacher for that matter...and he's talking about all of this African this and that and being united and double concsiousness...he needs to cut all that bulll...he's wrong for coming at us like that...so this happens....i am friendless, well feel friendless....lonely...i'm stressed...been having to go to the doctor, my body dont want to act right...womanly problems...a cold, and a possible sinus infection...and feel like my body is going to shut down any day now...and my mama is laid off of work once again starting tomorrow...i've been doing things i probably shouldnt have been doing....i feel like i've lost a connection with God and i'm just slowly slipping farther and farther away....and i still gotta type up thos 80-110 minute play, damn...God please help to make things better...i know they're not even really that bad, i know people go through worse, but i feel awful!
