THINGS I'M GETTING OFF MY CHEST & OTHER THINGS...

hey people wassup.....well looking back at all that i've posted on my blog i should call my blog "what Toya gots to complain about today", lol, and i might do that too, lol, but anyways.....nothing much been going on here, i had a exam for my history class today, and i have 3 more test this week, and i need to study, so im kinda stressed.....i been trying to find a job since i dont wanna go back to being a janitor, but i guess thats what ima have to do, cuz i need a job on campus in order for my work study to kick in, but oh well, i did get my refund check back and waiting on the loan check, so hopefully that will cover my rent and bills for thr semester so i dont have to work 20 hours because my refund check wasnt alot, compared to what alot of people got back it wasnt, but thats ok, God blessed me with that lil bit, and i just put it towards me bills....but it looks like i am gonna have to work quite a few hours, but hopefully i wont have too....well my mama is moving this weekend to the burbs, some burb far out close to the airport, something i never heard of before......NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i dont wanna be a suburbanite, lol......but thats ok, see i'll just be visiting my mama, lol and when im done with school ima get me an apartment in Chicago, lol.........but im doing aight, and i dont have much to say, i dont know why i even started this blog, smh, i started it back in February, and i only have like 10 post probably, which is sad, lol, but thats ok, when other things happen or when i feel like writing then i will, so theres nothing else new with me, still no new friends or boyfriend, lol, but thats ok, im used to chilin with my self, so until there is something new with me or when i feel like typing something, PEACE, lol, God bless.....

posted by Toya @ 7:41 PM 0 comments

ok now that im calm, i looked back at what i wrote earlier today, well yesterday, and you know it looks dumb as hell, it doesnt make sense AT ALL, but hey i am PMS'ing and i got cramps, and i need me some midol, and today was just the wrong day for them to say that, if they said that like 4 days later that wouldnt had bothered me, ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1@me letting stuff in the chatroom get to me, now i sound like a damn crazy lady saying all this, and i sent my blog link to T, oh well, now he probably think im crazy for real, thats if he read it, LMAO, probably showed everyone this link, but i dont care now, cuz i got that out and i fell better, next time i know that when i feel a arguement or disagreement or something coming on, and its that time of the month, i will leave the chatroom or log off the AIM or whatever, cuz i dont wanna snap like that again, so im sorry about making my self look like im crazy, with this DUMB blog entry, cuz it is dumb, i can admit when i do dumb stuff, not ashamed, just mad that i posted that shyt now, smh, but im not sorry about how i feel about the media and this sept 11th thing, aight im out, off to bed, peace.....

posted by Toya @ 12:35 AM 0 comments

well today im kinda sad, i just got outta church, and my day was fine until i went to chat on BP......my boy, ima call him T, that i've been chatting with on there since like march or april of 2001, and i've always considered him a friend, even though i only talk to him on the intertent.....

well anyways on sept. 11th me and my other buy, ima call him N, was in the chatroom talking about you know how the media has been showing all of this stuff the whole year, people crying over people dying, planes crashing into buildings, and buildings falling down, you know what shyt is very depressing, and im already depressed most of the time, i dont need that to make it worse, well N had in his tag "fukk sept 11th gimme back my cartoons" or something along that line, im not really sure what it said exactly, cuz the night before we wasa talking on the AIM about how it was gonna be on sept 11th, so i guess T's girl that i guess he's been seeing she chats in there too, she gets mad at N's tag, me and N still having our convo, she says something to him, he says something to her, and they start arguing, though N is talking about the media', she's talking about people dying, then at the end of all of that she says thats not what i was even talking about, i was talking about something else, though ny was talking about the media, so i guess she goes back and calls her self telling on us or something, but she said today that she tells T everything, about that......so the other day he comes in the chatroom and was like "im disappointed in you toya, you too N, i heard about what happened in here on sept 11th", and we're like wtf?.....

so i was mad by that, cuz he wasnt even in the chatroom at all, he's just going by what was told to him by her, but anyways i was like dont come at me like that, cuz i really didnt appreciate that.....so today i guess his girl goes and bring that back up, and he types "yea i lost respect for some people, toya, N, and whoever else...", so im like hold up, brb, cuz i was on the phone with my mama......i come back to talk to them, to give them my side, i guess they're still not listening, and im missing some things, cuz my pc is going slow like always and the chatroom goes to fast, so maybe i did miss a few things, but anyways im like you know she jumped in what we was talking about, and got mad cuz we was saying the media shouldnt over do it, cuz they did, im sorry, showing a plane fly into a freaking building 3908723498572348 times isnt good, showing people dropping outta windows and the buildings falling that many times, isnt good.......

well anyways his girl was saying that she was crying, and i read her page before and im sorry to hear that she lost some people, and i told N that later, but the fact is that we was talking about the media, but she looked at his tag and jumped in, and got all upset about something that we wasnt even talking about, we was talking about the media, george bush on every single channel, not people dying.....hell yea we was sad about people dying, and maybe i dont know how those people felt that lost someone, cuz i didnt lose no one in that, and i havent really lost no one that was close to me, and i pray to God that i dont, and i know that if them planes hit the Sears towers in Chicago, i know there wouldve been someone in there that i know, some family, a friend of the family, or someone from my church family, but im sad about sept 11th ever happening, but the media showing it over and over again, isnt good, and im sorry, thats my opinion, and yea i feel that they are blowing it out, it would be different if they went about it a different way, but pushing that shyt in our face like "look at the planes fly into the buildings, look at the buildings fall, look at people crying and grieving all the time over that" thats not good to me, and i was depressed after that, and i finally stopped watching the news, like after about a week or 2 of that happening, cuz everytime i turn, theres "america's new war" or clips of what happened on sept. 11th, and thats depressing and sad, and i know we are in the last days, with stuff like that happening, and all of this war, i just want people to try and not be so sad and depressed over it, but anyways i think im getting all off what i came here to type for, but T saying that, that really hurt me, cuz i thought we was cool, and he wasnt in there so he shouldnt go by one side of what happened, cuz of coursae that person will put what they think happened, he should listen to both sides then decided, and see what each person is coming from, but he probably wont and thats fine.........i dont know if he will talk to me now, cuz i know im pissed by that and i left the chatroom cuz i was mad, and i was really hurt, that he didnt at least take into consideration what i was saying, cuz he was like "thats nothing to joke about" um we wasnt joking, we was just saying how we was sick of the media, and then his girl said she was arguing with N, not me, then why is T disappointed in me for? she must did say i said something, i was only agreeing with N, on the fact about how the media be going one with this sept 11th ish, and for him to lose respect for me over that then, since his girl did say in the chat that she wasnt talking to me, she was talking to N, cuz i didnt say nothing to her, i was just watching her and N's convo.....

i still wanna know why T is disappointed in me, we was cool, well still are, i even use to have a lil internet crush on him a while back like last year, though we havent really talked to each other that much lately like we use to in the chat, i still considered him my friend, ok im repeating my self too much, cuz i dont have nothing else to say, and i know there might be alot of spelling mistakes in this, but oh well, im just glad i got this out, cuz i feel alot better now, cuz i was really mad and hurt by that, ima just write him and note, and hopefully he will read it, since he ignored my IM yesterday on aol, if not oh well, i will get over it, cuz i try not to hold on to stuff and be mad too long, and i guess i wont consider some people on the internet friends anymore, cuz like they say, you shouldnt let people on the net hurt you, cuz you dont really know them, but that i talk with some people everyday, i cant help but consider them a friend, but it is about time that i do go out and get REAL friends, but me being shy and all and like i wrote in other post, its hard for me, i think i have social anxeity, but hopefully i'll get over it, but anyways, everyone have a blessed day, God bless, peace.....

posted by Toya @ 3:49 PM 0 comments

well people lets see.....whats been going on with me.....well nothing much, this is now the 4th week of school starting, damn almost a month of school done went past.....well i went home on saturday, left c'dale (thats carbondale) at 8:30am, got to chicago at like 2pm, i got to my house at 2:45pm, my cousin was going up to michigan to see her brother, her and her mother and sister and my grandma and uncle went, so i got my ride to chicago.....

ok so since my mama is moving out of chicago to the burbs at the end of the month, and yesterday was the last time that i was gonna go home until thanksgiving, i was looking forward to this pizza from this pizza place by my house called jb's/alberto's.....now thats like the best pizza ever, i've been eating there since i was lik 9 years old, and im 20 going on 21, so i was looking forward to that last slice, now my cousin told me that that pizza is gonna taste nasty cuz i was looking forward to eating it too much, and guess what, it did.....UGH!!!!! i was sooooooooo pissed, that was the NASTIEST slice of pizza that i've gottewn from there since i been eating from there all these years, smh it was gross and i was sad that it was, but the gyro from this other place i like tasted ok, not as good either, and i was looking forward to the gyro too.....

so we leave chicago at like 6:15pm, cuz they got back at 6pm, and we got down to c'dale at 10:33 at the house on the dot, lol me and my cousin, cuz she was driving......but there hasnt been much that i've been doing, i've seen a couple cute boys in my classes, but i'm not gonna be all like "ohhh he's cute" and crushing on no one, im thru with crushes, im still mad that i found out a week or 2 ago that this boy that i was like so inlove with in h.s came back to chicago cuz things didnt work out for him in florida and he is STILL with his girlfriend from 12th grade, and my friend was like knowing him he's probably married to her....i really wish that i told him that i liked him, cuz he was such a nice guy, but i was shy and scare to tell him, i had so many chances too, but on my prom pic i gave him i just wrote "ima miss you alot, take care", so maybe he kinda figured it out i dont know, but when i finally tried to tell him he was gone no one had his number then i heard he moved to florida, but now that he's back, he's still with the girl, but oh well, i'll get over it, hopefully, lol, but i should get over it, i've had alot of crushes, i wasnt even thinking of him until my friend brought him up.....

but maybe i should be a lil bit more friendly, cuz lets see i think that was late week wednesday this boy when i was in the financial aid office was trying to talk to me, but i kept giving him short answers, cuz i didnt wanna talk to him, cuz i thought he was trying to holla at me like that, and i didnt want to holla at him cuz i wasnt attracted to him, lol, but maybe he wasnt, and thats something i need to stop, you know thinking that every guy that might come up to talk might be trying to holla, cuz maybe they're not, maybe they're just being friendly, lol, but no matter what i always think they be trying to holla, oh well, plus i had on a tank top that day, and he was staring at my boobs, and i didnt appreciate that....but anyways, i do wanna date, so i'll try to be a lil more friendly and approachable and stop looking all mean and ish when dudes be around, i think i scare them off, lol.....

lately i've been praying a bit more, well i've just been praying like i use to, i try and pray before i go to bed everynight like i did when i was younger, these people on this Earth need prayer and my family and just everyone, and i've been praying for them......today is the 10th now, well its like 1:38am, so tomorrow will be Sept. 11th, and it will be a year since the 9-11-01 attacks last year....man i can't believe that its been a year, what happened last year was just so horrible and i just pray that the families of the victims are getting over this, well they may never get over it, but i just pray that God ease the pain that they're going thru, i just hope and pray and wish, that we can just all get along, all of the countries, cuz i really dont like all of this war ish, cuz too many people have been dying.....well i have class at 12:30 so i need to be going, goodnight all, and PRAY, aight, peace and God bless.....

posted by Toya @ 1:48 AM 0 comments